


Save Me From The Troubles Of My Own Skin

by sasstrick



Series: Save Me From The Troubles Of My Own Skin [1]
Category: Fall Out Boy
Genre: Drama, F/M, Music
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-31
Updated: 2014-02-09
Packaged: 2018-01-10 17:14:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 45,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1162366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sasstrick/pseuds/sasstrick
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brindley is an up and coming singer/songwriter that never expected things to spiral out of control as they did. Suddenly her and her best friend’s song is nominated for an award and she is thrust into the public eye. But with the friendship of a band and an even closer bond with the singer, things don’t seem so crazy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First Sight

**Author's Note:**

> The entire first part to this series is already written and posted on Tumblr. So if it seems familiar, you've probably read it.

**.Brindley.**

"Brin! We have to be there in a half hour, seriously!" Jonas yells for me from the living area of the hotel suite. I smile into the mirror at my hair stylist and also long time friend Taylor, and she laughs. 

"Get your dress on and you can go!" She says to me and I nod, standing up and pulling the black and white strapless dress from the closet. and easily sliding into it. The top portion of it has a subtle stripe pattern that moves down into my waist and it flairs out into the skirt. The front of it reaches my knees, however the back has a train that reaches my ankles. 

"Brindley!" I hear Jonas again and I roll my eyes. We have plenty of time, I don’t know why he’s in such a hurry. 

"I’m coming!" I scream back and take one last glance in the mirror. My long red hair is curled and teased to the top of my head and pinned to lay somewhat flat. While Taylor isn’t looking, I pluck at a few strands that are pulled tightly into my kind-of-bun and let them fall over my face. A few pieces rest over my gray eyes. The eyeliner is on my top lids only but the line is thick, making my eyes seem bigger than they are. 

Before Taylor can see what I’ve done to my hair, I rush out of the room to meet Jonas. 

"Finally!" He sighs, frustrated, grabbing his coat and wallet. 

"Chill dude, we have time!" I smile, sliding on my heals by the door and following him out. 

"I have to say that this must be the first time I have ever seen you in heals," Jonas comments when we are in the car. We have a driver. This is a first.

"Don’t make fun of me when I fall," I tell him back, smiling.

"I’ll probably crack a rib from laughing so hard," he says, raising his arms to shield himself from a possible attack. 

"I’ll break your other ribs if you laugh at all," I frown, looking out the window to the approaching crowd that has collected outside the venue. Breath Brindley. In and out. 

"Is this real?" I hear my best friend say quietly from beside me. The roars of the crowd grow loud as we pull up and I shrug. I see people walking down the carpet that I’ve seen on television most of my life and listened to on the radio and bought their CDs. 

When the car comes to a stop, I step out first, letting Jonas follow me. The roars grow very loud and I clutch for his arm. It’s almost overwhelming. 

We walk out in front of the cameras and after a few minutes I spot a small area in the crowd with We Are Human shirts on so I smile, finding my safety and approach them.

**.Patrick.**

As were work our way down the carpet, I let my eyes wonder along the crowd of people and I stop to watch a girl signing things for fans. I can’t recognize her, but she is short with red hair. She is reaching out over people, signing things, touching hands. I see the dozens of happy smiles that she is creating and I laugh a little. 

"Who is that?" I ask Pete, who is smiling at the cameras beside me. 

"Who?" He asks, oblivious. 

"That girl singing with the fans," I say, nodding my head towards her. In that moment she grabs a camera from a fan, turns around, and shoves it into the man’s hands that is standing behind her. She crouches down, smiling for a picture with the fans. They all smile with her and the picture is taken.

I forget about Sienna back at home for a moment and watch her smile radiate. Her red hair is pulled back, but pieces fly over her face. Her eyes are twinkling and I lose my breath. Pete pats my back, pulling me from her glow and I swallow, turning to him and the guys. They all watch me with knowing looks and I roll my eyes, pointing towards the venue’s entrance. 

"Let’s go in," I say to them. As they walk ahead of me, I turn around once more and my eyes lock with her’s. She holds my gaze for a few seconds, just studying me and I her. The calm eyes are curious and I admire the way she doesn’t shy away. The man beside her is pulling her arm, signaling them to move down the carpet and she looks away. The phone in my pocket vibrates and as if it shatters the spell, I feel the guilt consume me and I turn away, reaching for it to answer the text from my girlfriend back home. 

**.Brindley.**

We didn’t win the award, but it was fun, none the less. I allowed Jonas to drag me to an after party that was being held at a bar down the road from the venue and regret it entirely. At this very moment, he is talking to an actress with a low cut party dress and working up to the “Let’s go somewhere more private” line. I don’t blame him, she’s beautiful. However, I feel as though I am 10 years younger, entering high school and not knowing anyone. Every person in that bar is a face I know, but don’t know at the same time and my shyness is emerging. 

I stick to the bar, ordering myself a second vodka soda. I take my first sip of it when a body is thrown beside me and Pete Wentz is smiling at me. 

I choke a little, spilling some of the drink over my chin and I wipe at it as he looks at me. I nervously smile a little and set my glass down. 

"Hello?" I laugh and he keeps that goofy smile on his face and lifts a brow. 

"I’ve heard your music Miss Brindley Reed," he says.

"Oh, yeah?" I ask sarcastically and his smile gets bigger. 

"Why are you by yourself over here?" He asks.

"I’m not, I-" I turn to point at Jonas but he’s gone and I’m assuming that he is headed back to the hotel room with the blonde actress. I turn back to Pete and he laughs a little. 

"I know how you feel. How about you follow me back to the table and you can chill with us for a while, yeah?" He offers and I breath a sigh of relief. He is my new hero. 

"Thank you," I say strongly, grabbing my glass and smile. "I am so lost." 

"Believe me, I’ve been there," he chuckles and leads me across the bar to a table. I study the attendees and I see a woman who must be Pete’s girlfriend, Joe Trohman, guitarist of Pete’s band Fall Out Boy. He explains the drummer wasn’t into the bar scene and left early. Finally, I notice the man I locked eyes with earlier that day. I know him as the singer. The one with the hat. His eyes lock with mine and for a moment we just stare. 

Pete breaks the silence of course, by introducing me to everyone. His name is Patrick. I should have known that. He also has the only free spot beside him. 

I take my seat, sitting awkwardly. I had changed clothes after the awards into black skinny jeans and a striped tank top. I am also in flats now and my hair is let out of its pins and is laying over my shoulders in a curled mass. 

We all make small talk. Meagan, Pete’s girlfriend, makes most of it.

"So where are you from Brindley?" She smiles. Is it even legal to be that pretty?

"Michigan, actually," I answer. "Probably the butt crack of the state," I chuckle and Joe lets out a loud laugh and I smile. 

"So you not used to all this?" She asks and I shake my head. 

"It all kind of came suddenly. I mean, we mainly did shows in the midwest and had a decent fan base, but nothing this extravagant." I breath. "I mean, it’s just a lot to get used to," I finish. 

"You never get used to it," Patrick speaks up and I look over at him. "Where’d your friend go?" He asks, curious.

"Jonas?" I ask. "He found an actress to talk up. I’m assuming they went back to the hotel," I shrug, taking a sip of my drink.

"He left you here?" He asks, a little irritated. Pete looks at Meagan and Joe smiles into his drink. 

"Eh, it’s not like it’s never happened before. We have separate rooms at the hotel. Figure I’ll just take a cab back in a bit," I say. Patrick’s eyebrows are lowered in irritated confusion and he looks across the table at Joe and he just shrugs back. 

"Why would he leave you in a bar in a strange city?" Patrick continues. I look at him again and I can see he’s a little angry. Obviously. 

"Really, I’m fine," I laugh.

"Well if he hadn’t ditched your ass, we wouldn’t have met, now would we?" Pete asks happily, pulling his friend’s attention from me. He raises his glass. "New friends?" He grins. 

I raise mine with everyone else and say, “New friends.” 

We all fall into comfortable conversation for a bit, but after about an hour, I decide I’ve had enough to drink and needed to get some sleep. I have to be in the studio at 7am and mornings were not my friend. 

When I announce that I am leaving and why, Pete asks who we are working with. 

"Bill Watters," I say. He’s producing our album that’s due for release in a few months. And also picks early mornings for us to record. 

"I know that dude!" Pete smiles and I laugh a little. Who didn’t he know really?

"Then you know he likes to be up very early just to torture me," I smile and get up. 

"What time you go into the studio?" He asks. I tell him 7 and he looks a little hesitant. 

"If I feel capable maybe Patrick and I will stop in," he says and I look over at Patrick. 

"Definitely," He says and gets up beside me. "I’ll walk you out," he offers and I nod. I say my goodbyes to everyone, exchange numbers and let Patrick lead me from the bar. 

I called the cab a bit earlier but it hasn’t gotten here yet so we lean against the building in silence. I decide to break it first. 

"I’ve been friends with Jonas for years. Really, he didn’t deliberately ditch me," I smile reassuringly. "He knows I can take care of myself." 

Patrick studies me for a moment. His arms are crossed and he nods. 

"It’s not that you can’t take care of yourself. I’m sure you’re more than capable. It just irritates me that he ditched you. I don’t know. I’d be pissed if Pete ditched me in a bar by myself in a strange city," he shrugs. 

"Well if you come by the studio tomorrow you can rip him a new asshole," I wink as my cab pulls up. He laughs a little and walks me to the car. 

I let the driver know which hotel to go to as I get in and I roll the window down when the door is shut. Patrick leans down to my level. 

"Thanks," I smile.

"No problem," he laughs. "I’ll see you tomorrow!" He says matter-of-factly and I nod. 

"See ya," I wave and the cab pulls away from the curb. 

He is still standing there when we round the corner.


	2. Little Dude

**.Brindley.**

I wake up at 6am and my eyes do not want to open. I groan, knowing I can’t hit snooze and I head to the bathroom that is connected to my room and brush my teeth. I forget about my shower and just throw my hair up into a messy bun before going to my suitcase and getting out some jeans and T-shirt. The studio is only a ten minute walk down the road so I grab a bowl of cereal before heading to the room beside mine and pound on the door. 

Almost immediately after I knock, the actress from the night before opens the door and walks out, smiling a little at me. I lift my hand and wave her off as she passes and I enter the room, covering my eyes. 

"Are you covered?" I ask. 

"Yeah, it’s too early," Jonas says groggily and I laugh, uncovering my vision and eat the last of my breakfast. 

"You’re already ready? What the hell," He moans and I can tell he’s hungover. Obviously. He pulls on a shirt and goes into the bathroom.

"We walking?" He calls out. 

"Yep, meet me in my room. I’m gonna go put a little make up on before we head out," I say and leave his room for mine. 

I throw on a little eyeliner and some powder to hide the bags under my eyes and decide I am not about to deal with my contacts so I just throw on my glasses instead. 

When Jonas isn’t in my room by 6:40 I throw on my canvas shoes, grab my messenger bag with my laptop in it, wallet, and room key and I head over to his room. I walk in without knocking and he looks ready, but also asleep on the couch. 

I wake him up by sitting on his stomach and he cries a little and soon we leave for the studio. 

"Why do we have to walk?" He asks, holding his coffee he made me stop and get him since he forgot his wallet. I sip my green tea and roll my eyes. 

"Because it’s a nice morning and only 10 minutes away," I say. He doesn’t respond and I smile, knowing he’s pouting and I decide not to tell him about our guests that will be visiting us this morning. 

**.Patrick.**

"So are ya gonna give this guy a stern talking to?!" Pete asks excitedly as we walk towards the studio. 

"Shut up, Pete" I laugh, rolling my eyes. 

"Well are ya?" He insists. 

"He shouldn’t have left her alone. Seriously, who does that?" I ask. "It really made me mad," I say. 

"Why?" He asks. 

"Why not?" I ask, reaching for the door. His hand reaches out and closes it and he looks at me. 

"Patrick, you don’t know her," he says seriously. I sigh, adjusting my hat and glare at him. 

"I know. But she’s nice. And really small. She could’ve gotten mugged or something," I shrug. 

"Have you talked to Sienna?" He asks and I cross my arms. He is looking at me with a knowing smile and I tug on the door. 

"Let’s just go in," I say and he moves aside so I can open it. 

Sienna, my girlfriend back in Chicago has been having distance issues. Which is one of the biggest issues that I have in my relationships for obvious reasons. I haven’t seen her in about a month. And I’m not being the best of boyfriends I suppose. I’m not good at texting or calling. I actually kind of find it annoying. And Skype is also awkward. Especially because my wifi goes in and out on the road and the guys like to screw with me. 

My thoughts are put on hold when I hear her. We are nearing the door of where they are recording and Pete walks in first. She’s almost screaming as the beat increases and I watch her through the glass window. Jonas is sitting in a chair eating a donut and Bill is nodding his head. 

We stay quiet, letting her finish up and in that time I admire her style. The instrumental itself is a little electric but I can hear a soft piano on top of the beats. Her singing flows with it. She bounces from foot to foot and holds the headphones over her ears as she goes on. Almost suddenly the song cuts off to an end and she smiles at Bill through the window. He gives her a thumbs up to signal she could come out and he turns to us. 

**.Brindley.**

I walk out of the booth and see Bill shaking hands with Pete and Patrick. Pete sees me first and he smiles and waves.

"Hey, you’re alive," I grin at him and he nods. 

"Patrick got me up with coffee so it wasn’t so horrible. Painful, but bearable," He winks and I nod turning to Patrick, but Jonas blocks my view with raised eyebrows and an obvious need for an explanation. 

"Hi, yes, hello my name is Jonas and half of Fall Out Boy is in our studio," he says to me and Pete lets out a laugh. I see Patrick poke his head out from behind Jonas and I smile at him. I didn’t realize how short he was until he was standing near Jonas who is over 6 foot. Of course everyone seems taller to me because I nearly pass as 5 foot. 

"I met them last night at the bar," I explain, stepping around him to say hi to Patrick. He gives me a small smile and I go to ask him how he is when Jonas interrupts again. 

"And why wasn’t I invited to that little get together?" He asks, faking hurt. Patrick’s face hardens a little and I hear Pete laugh behind us. 

Patrick steps around me and up to Jonas, offering him his hand to shake. His body is stiff and I catch Pete’s eye over their shoulders and he covers his mouth to muffle his laugh. 

"If you hadn’t decided to leave a girl by herself last night, who you say is your friend, at a bar in a city she’s never been to, you would met us last night," He says coldly and my mouth drops open in shock and Bill who has been quiet decides to go out for a cigarette, passing me with wide eyes and pressing his fingers to his lips as signal. 

Jonas shakes his hand silently, looking him up and down and glances at me briefly over his head. 

"I’m assuming she was safe with you?" He responds. Patrick drops his hand and Pete is covering his entire face now. 

"No thanks to you. That was a dick move," He says and I reach out to grab Patrick’s arm. 

"Hey, it’s ok," I start, but Jonas responds to Patrick instead. 

"I agree. It was stupid of me," Jonas says and crosses his arms. 

"You know I’m not made of glass. I’m pretty fuckin durable!" I say, getting sick of this "She’s a girl" shit. 

They all look at me, Pete now simmered down to a goofy grin and Patrick sputters. 

"You look pretty girly to me," Jonas says, giving me a knowing smile and I punch him in the chest, making him cough. 

"You guys are assholes," I laugh, turning my back on them to go into the recording booth and mess with the piano. While they have a dickfest, I may as well figure out the bridge for our newest song.

I pick up the notes for it and begin to play it, singing the words under my breath and try to tie some melodies into it, but I can’t seem to find anything that clicks. I write some notes down, try some different routes but it seems off. 

I hear the door behind me open and close and I glance over to see it’s Patrick. 

"Hey," I say, nodding my head and he takes a seat beside me on the bench. 

"Having trouble?" He asks. 

"Only slightly," I laugh. "It’s a really easy and soft melody at first, but the chorus is really heavy. I don’t know how to tie the bridge in," I say and I begin to play it for him, singing softly. 

He nods his head as I perform it and he watches my hands move over the keys. I build over the verse and chorus and get through most of the song and then I hit the awkward part. He shakes his head, agreeing that it doesn’t sound right. 

"Here, try this," he says, reaching over where my hands left off and begins to string together a melody. I hear a touch of my own song in it so I begin to sing the lyrics over them and soon I hear his voice echo mine and he is adding his own words. 

I smile, glancing at him and he lifts one of his hands to reach for mine and he places my fingers accordingly on the piano. He settles into the song and I play along with him. The fullness of it consumes me and I let my voice flow along with his. My higher vocals with his low vibration. Soon, the song comes to a close and I sit back. 

"That… Was perfect," I laugh, looking at him. He smiles at me. "You have to be featured on this song. That was too brilliant not to have you do guest vocals," I say while I write in the notes on my sheet music.

"I’d be happy to," He says excitedly and we get up to go back into the studio to discuss it with Jonas and Bill but when we open the door we hear our voices over the speakers. 

"I think we found your next hit," Bill smiles at us and Jonas comes up to me. 

"Making music behind my back, I knew you’d leave me one day." 

"Oh yeah right, you’re the piece of ass in this production, remember?" I laugh and he rolls his eyes. 

"I can’t help that I’m this beautiful." He replies, fluttering his lashes at me. 

*******

Later that night after we get back to the hotel, Jonas and I look into temporary housing while we’re in LA. We decided to record a few more songs, write a little more and put some more touches on it before its release. 

"Can we get a mansion?" He asks. 

"No we can’t get a mansion," I laugh. "There’s a decent apartment complex down the road from the studio that’s decently cheap," I say. 

"If you think that’s cheap then I’m gonna need to go find a corner to cry in."

"It’s cheap for LA. Besides, we’re not paying for it. Bill said the label would cover it as long as it was in reason while we’re here," I say, writing down the number to give to them tomorrow. 

"Alright, as long as I get my own room, I’m down. I’m gonna go enjoy my rich taste hotel suite while I can. Night!" He says, getting off my couch and heading out the door. 

"Night," I mutter, looking through the listings and writing a few more numbers down. 

Before it gets too late I open our band page up and decide to write a quick journal update for the fans, letting them know how the album is going and giving them a hint as to what we are doing. 

> **Hey guys! Been a while since I’ve given out any info. Just wanted to say that the days are long but my voice is being put to work! Thanks to all that voted for us for the award the other night. It was a great opportunity and we were honored to even be nominated.**
> 
> **As for album news; looks like we’re gonna be in the LA area longer than expected. Getting a few more songs on the album and even have a collaboration in the works. Believe me, it’s going to blow your mind. The talent this little dude has certainly blew mine.**
> 
> **But for now, it’s an early night for me! And remember, Brindley loves you more than J.**
> 
> **xo**

I close my laptop and head into the bathroom to take a quick shower before bed. The heat of the water unwinds my tense muscles and I lean on the tiled wall to enjoy the feeling.

My mind wonders to Patrick and I frown a little. Almost from the very moment I saw him, we connected on some level, but what type of level was it? I know he has a girlfriend, especially today. She called a few times and he had to leave the room to talk to her while we played around with our song. Pete mimicked her a few times, keeping conversation light but Patrick would get a little less excited every time she would ring. Pete explained it as miscommunication issues and that Patrick’s girlfriend just wasn’t used to the long distance thing yet. Which I suppose is understandable.

But as I shut the water off, I let myself remember the feel of his hands on mine when he placed my fingers on the piano keys. How he smiled into my eyes when we sang together and I mentally slap myself. 

_Stop it. There’s nothing there,_  I think to myself and decide to let it go for now. 

I crawl into bed after I change into a T-shirt and shorts, but before I can turn the light off my phone vibrates, letting me know I have a text. 

> _I’m not THAT little, jeez._

I laugh, looking at his name at the top of the screen. He must have read the journal already.

_I put that up, what? 10 minutes ago? Stalker._ I text back and almost immediately get a reply. 

> _Just because I was on your site at the time you posted it does not make me a stalker. I was downloading some of your music, thank you very much._

_Uh huh, keep telling yourself that. I am pretty stalkable though._  I reply. 

> _Stalkable is not a word. And if it was I’m pretty sure you do not wish to be that. Anyway. I just wanted to say thanks for the kind of compliment in the update. Even though I’m a ‘little dude’, as you like to call it._

_You are very welcome haha. I’ll talk to you tomorrow though, I’m in bed. Night!!!_

> _Goodnight._

I set my phone on the night table and turn off the light before settling under the covers finally. 

 

I sigh to myself. I just met him. This cannot be happening.


	3. Bustin' Ghosts & Shit

**.Brindley.**

"Mom, I’ll cover the shipping, just tell them to charge it to my account," I tell her over the phone. We’re moving into our temporary apartment today and most of my things are in Michigan. I have some clothes and stuff but I still need some other important things. Like documents, hard drive,  the rest of my wardrobe, etc. 

"What account? This man is telling me I don’t have an account-"

"Mom, I have an account, give the guy the phone," I laugh. She hands the fed ex guy the phone and I give him my account number and talk him over what I want. When the transaction is over she is back on the line. 

"He was not very nice," She says. 

"I’m sorry," I laugh. "At least it was only one box. I should be fine until I’m able to come home."

"When do you think that will be, because your father and I want to arrange a party or something for you."

"I’ll let you know when I know. I’m gonna head to the store though, get some food and stuff. Love you," I smile into the phone. 

"Love you too honey," She replies and hangs up. I set my phone aside and survey the living room of the new apartment. It’s small, but doable. It came furnished so we wouldn’t have to rent anything. Just fill up the fridge and stuff. Jonas is staying late at the studio to record some things and since I’d been there constantly for the last week, they gave me the day off to move in here. 

My phone rings and I check the caller ID, thinking it’s probably my mom again, but instead I read _Little Dude._

"Hey," I answer, getting off the couch and get out a pad of paper and pen to write a list of things I need from the store. 

"Hey, what’s up?" He asks and I smile. He’d been with me in the studio all week, helping me keep my head straight and we played around with a few sounds. We also went to the bar with Jonas, Pete, Meagan, Joe and Andy, who we convinced to come with and I was able to finally meet. 

"Just got in to the new holding cell," I chuckle, sitting on a bar stool and writing down a few items: Milk, cheese, bread, lunch meat, fruit, beer. 

"It can’t be that horrible," he laughs. "The guys and I had to share one when we were recording our second album."

"It’ll be okay, just close quarters. I have to go to the store today and get some groceries and things," I say, writing a few more items: toilet paper, rags, towels, paper towels and cleaning supplies. 

"Where’s J?" He asks. 

"At the studio. They let me take the day off to move us in," I reply.  _What else do we need?_  I think.

"If you need help, I’m not doing anything today," he offers. 

"Awww, so nice of you," I laugh. "I should be fine, you don’t have to."  _He has a girlfriend. He has a girlfriend. He has a girlfriend._

"Really, I don’t mind. I’m kind of a worthless lump today," He says. "I could bring Andy with me. It’d be a party."

Ok, bringing Andy was safe. I could handle that. Being absolutely alone with him was not something I could handle. 

"Alright, if you insist," I laugh. "I wanna head out soon though."

"Andy!" He yells off the phone. "Andrew!" I begin to laugh and gather my things. 

"Want me to come pick you guys up?" I ask. 

"Nah, we can pick you up in a few- ANDY!" 

"Ok I’m going to let you round up the other vegan, I’ll be here," I bite my lip to keep from laughing too hysterically and he hangs up mid yell. 

I hear a beep out front about 20 minutes later. 

"Hello again Brindley," Andy greets me when I get in the back of Patrick’s car. 

"Hello again Andrew, I enjoyed meeting you the other night," I laugh and he gives me a large grin.

"Yes, hello, I am Patrick, nice to see you," Patrick interrupts and I meet his gaze in the rearview mirror and I laugh nervously. Fuck I feel like I’m in high school again, what the hell. 

"Don’t get jealous that she feels the need to speak with me. You’re not her only friend," Andy glares at Patrick and I shake my head with a content smile and look out my window. I don’t have many friends out here. Just Jonas and Taylor, but Taylor has her own job to do and not much free time while J is like that annoying brother that gets all the pussy he wants and tells you about it when you really don’t want to hear it. 

These guys opened their arms up to me almost immediately and accepted me into their group of misfits. It’s only been a little over a week, but spending almost everyday with them has been a learning experience. 

LA moves fast. It’s like going 80 mph with every move you make. An entire album is made in under 2 months. A movie is shot in the same time and out in theaters a few months later. 

My friendship with these people is moving at the speed of light. Just like my feelings for the man at the wheel that has a girlfriend. I catch his eye in the rearview mirror again and he smiles softly at me and I return it, nodding my head and looking out the window again as he and Andy banter about whether or not the band on the radio was an acceptable excuse for music.  

These humans are my type of humans, no questions asked.

"Brin?" Patrick asks and I whip my head towards him. 

"Yeah?" I ask, clueless.

"Andy asked what your plans are for Saturday night."

"Um, as far as I know, nothing. We might be recording instrumental earlier in the day but nothing that night," I say, going through my mental calendar.

"Sunday?" Andy asks, rotating in his seat to look at me. 

"No, day off. Why what’s up?" I ask and I see we are pulling into the parking lot of the department store. 

"We’re playing a show downtown, setting up our spring tour. You should totally come!" He smiles at me as we park and I nod.

"Uh of course. I wouldn’t want anything more than to be in a sweaty, crowded pit full of teenagers oogling Patrick’s goods," I wink and Andy bursts into laughter while Patrick looks disturbed. 

"They do not oogle my anything," Patrick defends.

"Yeah, they oogle mine, obviously," Andy says and Patrick and I both roll our eyes. 

"Yeah, you wish," Patrick says and locks the car when we are out. We spend majority of our time finding food. 

On our way over the get towels and rags, we pass the movies and Andy insists on looking through the titles. 

"I have cold shit!" I object and Patrick stands beside me while Andy makes for the classics section. 

"You want me to go put the milk and cheese back so they don’t spoil?" Patrick offers and I sigh, shaking my head. 

"He can’t take too long, I’m sure it’ll be fine," I say and we move the cart over near Andy. He is stacking DVDs in his hands and Patrick reaches onto the shelf to pick up one. 

"Holy smokes, I haven’t watched this in way too long," He laughs and I look over his shoulder to see  _Ghostbusters._

"Hmm, never seen it," I say, turning towards the shelf myself to pick up a few titles. It’s then that I notice the stillness beside me and I look over to see both Andy and Patrick staring at me as if I had grown a limb.

"What do you mean, you’ve never seen it?" Patrick asks, almost offended. 

"I just never got around to it," I shrug. 

"Oh my god," Andy says and Patrick puffs up.

"You are not human," He says and I lift an eyebrow. He shoves the DVD into my grasp and points at me. "We are watching this when we get back to your place. Let’s go grab your stupid towels and go watch it because it is a crime to not have seen this!" He says in one breath and I frown at him. "Ok, I’m sorry! The towels aren’t stupid, but let’s go get the towels. Now," He amends while Andy nods at me and throws his purchases into the cart. 

"I know a lot of people that haven’t seen that movie," I grumble and Patrick looks like he is choking while we make our way towards the aisle full of bathroom accessories. 

"Those aren’t people," Andy cuts in and Patrick nods. 

"You both are ridiculous!" I laugh, grabbing a few simple blue towels and matching rags off the shelf. 

"No, you are ridiculous for not seeing it!" Andy says.

"Now, this doesn’t mean you are a horrible person. But if you don’t see this movie we cannot be friends," Patrick adds. We are reaching check out and I glare. "We are friends right now! Of course we are friends! But it- I just-"

"Just stop talking man," Andy laughs, clapping him on the shoulder and I smile sarcastically and nod at Patrick. 

"Probably best," I whisper and turn to the cashier. 

*******

They barely give me time to put the cold stuff into the fridge before forcing me onto the couch and popping the DVD in. When I ask to get something to drink, they insist on getting it for me and I am stuck between the two of them while the movie begins. 

"This is so useless," I laugh. 

"If you talk, I swear to god I will smother your face with a pillow," Patrick says. "As gently as possible, of course."

"How kind of you," I say under my breath. "Can we order take out I’m hung-"

"Brindley."

"Fine," I groan, crossing my arms. I look over at Patrick out of the corner of my eye and he is smirking. I look over at Andy and he is texting. "Andrew is cheating," I say and bite my lip.

"He has seen this," Patrick says. 

"Joe says you need to be shunned," Andy says and sets his phone aside to smile at me. 

"Fine!" I say defeated and settle into the couch cushions and I pout at the TV. After a few minutes, I find myself laughing and making faces at the slime that ends up on Bill Murray. 

"Oh god, I hate snot," I gag. 

"It’s not snot, it’s slime," Patrick laughs. 

"Looks like snot and makes me want to puke," I say and Andy shrugs, but agrees with me. 

"Wait so the ghost thing is in the box?" I ask. 

"Yeah, that’s what they do," Patrick says, matter-of-factly. "They get jobs, bustin’ ghosts and shit," He says and I laugh, about to ask another question, when his phone begins to ring. 

He looks down at the caller ID and his face is blank before looking up at me. 

"I’m gonna go outside, it’s Sienna. I’ll be right back," He says. 

"We’ll pause the movie," I say, hitting the button. He leaves the apartment to sit outside and talk and I find myself sitting quietly next to Andy. 

Sienna again and the realization that he has a girlfriend hits me  _again_. I don’t know why I seem to forget it at times. Like when he’s sitting so close to me and laughing with me. 

I dislike a girl I’ve never met and I want to slap myself for it. I’m not a mean person. I don’t hate people. I have never met her and I barely know Patrick. The conflict I find myself debating in my head makes me sick to my stomach.

"You ok?" Andy asks quietly. My head whips up to look at him. He can see me struggling. I wear my heart on my sleeve like it’s a fucking fashion statement. 

"Yeah," I reply. 

"Ok," He says and we both look away. He plays with his phone and I fiddle my thumbs. I hear Patrick’s muffled voice through the wall and closed window and I close my eyes. 

"No," I say so softly that I almost think Andy doesn’t hear me. But I know he has when he sets his phone completely away from him and scoots closer to me.

"I can see it, you know," He says. 

"That obvious?" I ask. 

"To me. He’d never notice. He’s too unaware of himself," He puts a comforting arm around my shoulders to pull me into his chest and I let myself rest against him. A friendly embrace. A comforting support. 

"I just met him," I sigh softly and I feel him nod against my hair. 

"Sometimes things like this hit us in the gut. You can’t really help it," He tells me. "I’ll tell you one thing. You are one of the few women in the world that like him as a true individual without the glamorization. The fact that you didn’t really understand who we were before you officially met us shows a lot about you and I respect that," He pulls away to look at me and I nod. 

"This is kind of the first time I’ve really admitted this to myself," I laugh pathetically. 

"Better to admit it than keep it locked away, right?" He asks and smiles softly at me. I agree and breath heavily. 

Patrick opens the door then, his phone call over, but has a grim face. 

"I have to go," He says and I stiffen. Andy pulls his arm away, but keeps it laying on the back of the couch and he pats my back a little. 

"Why?" I ask hesitantly. He grabs his jean jacket off the back of the arm chair in the corner and faces me. 

"Sienna took a plane out here to surprise me. It’s landing at LAX in an hour," He sighs and I try my best to hide my disappointment. 

"Aw, that’s nice!" I smile brightly at him and he stays silent for a moment, looking at me and I find myself unable to read the expression. 

"Yeah," He says and looks to Andy. "Did you want to stay? I drove, but-"

"You don’t have to stay Andy, I think I’m gonna head to bed early," I say. Andy smiles at me and I nod. 

"Finish the movie?" Patrick asks. 

"Not without you," I laugh and stand with Andy so I can see them off. 

"I’ll text you with the ticket info for the show on Saturday?" Patrick asks me at the door. 

"Yeah, I’ll bring J, if that’s ok," I say and he nods, hugging me briefly and getting in the car. Andy waves weakly at me and I watch them leave the parking lot before going in and laying on the couch by myself with a paused movie staring back at me. 

**.Patrick.**

I dropped Andy off on the way here and now I lean against the pillar outside the pick up section of LAX and bite my lip. I have no idea why Sienna felt the need to get on a plane in the middle of the week. She works constantly anyway. She sounded defensive on the phone and I don’t see this lasting much longer if she’s this paranoid all the time. 

I check the time on my phone and look up to see her coming out of the exit towards me. Her short black hair is pushed away from her face with a headband and her large eyes meet mine. I smile at her and she waves at me enthusiastically. I kick off the pillar to help her with her things but she throws her arms around me first and I laugh, bringing my own around her. 

"Hey," I say and she pulls back.

"I missed you," She says pouting a little. Her face is the same, but for some reason I’m not looking at her in the same light. She seems stiff, not as free as she was when I left her in Chicago. 

"I missed you, too. How were you able to pull this off though? I thought you had work?" I ask and take her things to put them in the trunk. 

"I pulled some strings. I wanted to see you," She says. "Is this ok? Were you busy?" She asks. Her voice picks up a few octaves and I choose my words wisely.

"It’s great, I was just wondering," I smile at her and peck her lips. Before I can pull away though she pushes up into me and presses her mouth fully to mine. 

Odd. I’m not feeling much. 


	4. The Fans Are Insane

**.Brindley.**

Patrick ended up getting me 3 GA tickets and passes to get backstage after the show. So with the 2 extra tickets I have both J and Taylor coming with me. Patrick wanted us to just go straight behind the stage when we got there but I wanted to experience Fall Out Boy at a fan level. 

And by fan level I mean showing up to sit in line for 5 hours. I sit, facing the small venue and J pouts beside me. 

"Why do we have to be here so early?" He whines and I smile. 

"Why not, man? This is awesome!" Taylor laughs and looks at me excitedly. 

"Come on, J. Really, how long has it been since we sat in line to see a band like this? It’s like old times!" I say, adjusting my hat. My long mass of red hair is carefully braided on top of my head in a flat bun, done by Taylor and the hat sits atop it to hide it all. We’re not extremely well known yet, but I don’t want to take chances. 

"5 Hours Brin. And it’s supposed to rain," He sighs and pulls his phone from his pocket. 

"Stop being so depressing J, Jesus," I roll my eyes and Taylor hands me an earphone when she gets out her iPod. She is playing their music and while I had bought their albums the other day, I hadn’t had the time to listen. 

Patrick singing Pete’s words over a fun, heavy beat makes me smile. 

Mid-song, I am pulled away by my phone vibrating. Looking down, I see it’s Patrick. 

> _Are you seriously sitting in line right now? Seriously???_

 I smile and reply quickly. 

_It’s been a while since I’ve been to a show like this. I wanted to do it right! :P_

> _I am looking at you right now. Seriously. Seriously? You can come in right now! Jonas is picking his nose._

I glance over and J and he is indeed picking his nose. 

 _You are such a creep!_  I tell him in the text and I look up at the windows and see a shadowed form in one of them. I wave excitedly and in return, he flips me off. 

The next few hours go by somewhat fast as we meet more and more fans. Some wearing band t-shirts and some wearing personalized shirts. Patrick texts me throughout the day but as 7pm rolls closer, he stops because of soundcheck. 

When doors open, it is like a free for all. Kids rush to the barricade and Jonas, Taylor and I follow them. We are able to push ourselves to the front and I squeeze between two girls on the barricade that I met in line so I am standing directly in front of the center microphone. J is behind me and Taylor is a few people away from me to my right. 

When the first band begins, the pushing starts and I am crushed between the wall and J. I keep smiling, enjoying the pit. Some hate it, some can’t handle it, but I just hold my arm over the side and stand my ground as the songs go on. This is what I lived for before I was on the stage. 

There is about 15 minutes between the first band and Fall Out Boy so some people leave, but their spots are quickly taken by newcomers. J is holding onto me and Taylor smiles at me. 

The lights go out and the screams start. There is a soft guitar playing over the darkness and a white curtain is lit up, cascading 4 distinct shadows over it. When the drums start, the curtain falls and the screams erupt even louder. 

I look up into Patrick’s eyes and he is singing loud and clear. He smiles and shakes his head, continuing the show and I laugh, lifting my fist into the air and screaming. 

They are wild and free in their element. Joe running back and forth, head banging and spinning. Pete does his own thing, backing vocals, moving with the beat and kisses Patrick on the cheek, receiving many roars in return. Andy is shirtless and bouncing over the drum set like a maniac.

I watch Patrick, though. He makes eye contact with me on occasion and I smile in return each time. He bounces from foot to foot and loses his hat a few times, but he is having fun. I know how he feels. We are a lot alike. We live for the show. We live for the music. 

By the end of their set, Pete climbs beside me on the barricade and I am pushed into him. People reach for him and he reaches for them as he screams the end of the song. I make eye contact with a security guard as I am crushed against the barricade and I reach for him to pull me out. He smiles and does so and I see Taylor getting pulled as well. 

We turn to the crowd together and look for J but he is lost in the masses and we start to make our way out. However, I see Marcus, their personal security guard walk out onto the stage towards me as Pete finishes up and he offers me his hand. 

The music stops, but the roars don’t and Patrick walks behind him, smiling and waving at me. I laugh, shaking my head and grab onto Marcus and I am hauled on stage and behind the curtain. Taylor follows. 

We are led to their dressing room in the back and Patrick greets me with a huge smile and sweat dripping from every pore on his body. 

"That was sick, man!" I yell and he laughs, nodding. 

"Thanks! I thought you were gonna die though!" He tells me and points a finger at me. 

"Oh come on, I’m not that fragile. I used to do this all the time!" I laugh. "This is Taylor, by the way!" I introduce him to her and she shakes his hand nervously. 

"I don’t shake hands, I hug, dear!" He says and hugs her. They’re both sweaty so it doesn’t really bother her. 

I see Joe drinking water on the couch and he waves at me. Andy comes up behind me and hugs me, getting all his super gross and disgusting body sweat on me since he is shirtless. 

"Ugh!" I groan and push him away while he laughs. "I didn’t think it could get worse than the little dude," I say, sticking my tongue out. 

"I’m not that gross, jeez, you’re hurting my feelings," Andy says and pouts a little. I introduce him to Taylor and he smiles and nods at her. 

"I like your hair!" He comments on her short black hair with the red streak in it. 

"Thanks! I like your tattoos!" She says. "Which one is your favorite, oh my god, you have thousands!" She exclaims and he laughs and they go off to their own little corner to admire his body art. 

"Where’s J?" Patrick asks and I see Pete walk in behind me, wiping his sweat off with a towel. 

"We lost him, he has his pass though, so I’m sure we’ll see him soon," I say and I see a small woman come up behind Patrick, wrapping her arms around one of his. She large brown eyes glance at me before settling on him. 

"Patrick you did great tonight," She smiles at him and he rests his arm over her waist and turns his attention to her. 

The girlfriend. 

A very large, mean and disgusting lump climbs into my throat and settles in. I stop hearing him talk and I just stand there awkwardly as she holds onto him, asking him things. My ears are pounding and she glances at me. 

"Brindley?" She asks, holding her hand out. I take it in my grasp and shake it. I regain a bit of my composure and manage a smile. 

"You must be Sienna," I say finally and she nods. 

"I’ve heard a lot about you," She says and I can hear the _I hear too much of you,_  behind the statement. 

"Same," I nod and Joe gets off the couch and comes up to me. 

"Wanna go find Jonas with me?" He asks and I meet his gaze. Andy must have told him. 

"Yeah," I say simply and I follow him out of the room. 

"You ok?" He asks, hands in pockets as we make our way to the back door. 

"Yeah, I’m good," I smile at him. Now that I was out of range from him and her, I was kind of ok. 

Joe gives me a weak smile, but about 5 feet away from the doors, they open dramatically and Jonas walks through, shoulders hunched and breathing hard and almost angry. His shirt is ripped, his eye is black and he has a shoe missing. 

"Oh. My. God." I say, staring wide eyed. "Did you get in a fight?" I ask and Joe is calling for security to get a first aid kit. 

"Your fans," He points at Joe angrily. "Are fucking insane!" He says and grabs a towel that is offered to him. 

"The fans did this to you?" He asks him. 

"Someone stepped on my heal and I lost my shoe. Then when Pete decided it was a good idea to get on the barricade, I got climbed over and pushed to the floor. I got stepped on and my shirt pulled. That was- That is never happening again. I am never ever ever going in a Fall Out Boy pit again. Never," he says and walks past me. I laugh under my breath with Joe as we make our way back to the dressing room. 

"Where’s Patrick?" I ask when we return, not seeing him.

"Signing out back. He’ll be back soon," Pete says and I sit on the couch beside Jonas. Sienna is sitting in a chair by herself and no on is really talking to her so I make an attempt. 

"So Sienna," I say to get her attention. She looks up from her phone with her eyebrows raised. "What do you do for a living?" I ask nicely. 

"I’m a make up artist," She says simply and looks back down at her phone. 

"Oh, cool!" Taylor says from her own spot on the large couch beside Andy. "I’m a hair stylist!" She smiles and Sienna nods. 

"So you’re from Chicago?" I ask and she sets down her phone with a sigh. Ok, a little rude. 

"Yes, and you’re from?" She asks me. 

"Michigan," I answer. 

"Patrick has some family there. We visit sometimes," She says and I can tell she’s pointing out the fact that they are in a relationship deliberately. I don’t know if she can tell that I like him or if she just is being a protective girlfriend but damn is the aura smacking me in the face. 

"Hey, Brindley, when is your album done?" Pete interrupts our conversation. He is standing over by the tour manager and I shrug. 

"Month or two, why?" I ask. 

"Do you have any touring plans?" He asks. I look over at J and he shakes his head. 

"Not as far as we know. I’m sure the label has ideas though," J answers for me. 

"You should tour with us!" Pete says excitedly and I see Sienna stiffen out of the corner of my eye. 

"Really?" I laugh, looking over at J.

"We’d have to talk to your manager, but we don’t have an opening band yet. You could totally tour with us! Besides, by that time your single with Patrick will be out. It’d be perfect!" Pete exclaims and I nod, smiling. 

Patrick walks in mid excitement and sits beside Sienna. 

"What’s up?" He asks and smiles at me. 

"We might be touring buddies," I laugh and he lights up. 

"No shit? That’d be awesome!" He says and I notice Sienna biting her lips as she grabs Patrick’s hand. 

"We’ve never had a bus before," I say and J nods. 

"Well you will this time," Pete smiles and leaves the room with his phone, already pulling strings and getting important people on the job. 

"I’m going to go to the bathroom for a minute," Sienna says and gets up to leave. Patrick nods, reaching for a water bottle and taking a swig as she leaves. 

"Dude she is so scary," Joe says, shivering a little. 

"She’s just nervous," Patrick shrugs. 

"No. You don’t understand. She was murdering Brin with some dagger worthy stares," Joe says and I stiffen. Patrick looks at me and I shrug. 

"I didn’t notice anything," I say to him and I get up, passing a glare at Joe. "I think I’m gonna head home though. J and I gotta be at the studio early again," I say. 

"We do-?" He begins. 

"Yes, 7AM," I say and he sees that I want to leave so he nods and gets up. 

Taylor says her goodbyes and leaves with us. 

We’re about halfway to the car when I hear running behind us. I turn to see Patrick coming up to us and I face him fully. 

"We’ll be in the car," Jonas says and keeps walking with Taylor and I nod. 

"Are you ok?" Patrick asks when he reaches me.

"Jesus, Patrick, you’re like the third person to ask me that tonight," I sigh. "I’m fine, why wouldn’t I be?" I ask.

"I don’t know, you just seem off," He says and his eyebrows are lowered in concern. 

"I’m good, just tired," I give him a reassuring smile and he looks at me for a moment before pulling me in for a hug. 

"Not gonna lie, I got a little worried when I saw you on that barricade," He says softly and I smile into his shoulder. 

"I’m a tough little shit," I say, pulling back. "I’ll call you tomorrow," I say and step away from him. He stands where I leave him until I am in the car and I see Sienna call him from the building. He turns and walks towards her and I shrink into my seat as we drive off. 


	5. I'm A Cheat

**.Patrick.**

"I don’t want to leave," Sienna pouts at the ground and I sigh, putting my arms around her. I am dropping her off at the airport and she’s having difficulties. 

I’m going to be honest here. I’m not very good at breaking up with girls and I feel like guys that lead women on are the biggest scum on earth, but here I am. Sienna is pretty. She’s also nice and caring and has a lot of good qualities about her. However. I’m not exactly romantically interested in her anymore. I don’t want to hurt her. And I don’t think breaking up with her in an airport is exactly letting her down the easy way. 

She clutches at me and I pull my eyebrows down in concern. No. Right now was not the time at all. 

"I’m gonna miss you so much," She says to me and I say it back at her. She pecks my lips and I pull away a fraction to smile softly at her. 

"Call me when you’re in, ok?" I tell her and she nods. 

"Ok," She says and turns her back on me, dragging the cart of luggage. 

When I get in the car I call Brin. We were supposed to have a meeting later on today with management. Discuss the music video and such for our song. We named it Reaching. 

"Hey," She greets me in a tired and scratchy voice. I raise a brow as I merge onto the highway. 

"Well hello, Kermit," I say. She chuckles and coughs. 

"Yeah, I think I’m getting bronchitis. Well, have, I suppose," She says. 

"Holy smokes, that’s the worst," I say in concern. She gives me a croak for agreement. 

"I can barely talk and my chest hurts so bad," She continues brokenly. 

"Is J there?" I ask. 

"No, he’s recording again and then he’s staying at a friend’s apartment so I can’t infect him," She laughs. 

"How nice of him," I roll my eyes. "I’m coming over," I declare and take an exit that leads towards her.

"What? No-," She coughs. "I’m contagious, Patrick. Stay the hell away."

"No. Do you know how many times I’ve had bronchitis? I’m stopping at the market to get you some food and I’m coming over," I reply stubbornly. 

"But your voice-" 

"I’m not singing for a while. I’ll be fine if I get it, which I doubt I will," I say, pulling into the market’s parking lot. 

"You’re so stupid," She mumbles and I laugh. 

"I’ll be there in a bit," I say.

"… Can you get me a smoothie? I really want a smoothie," She asks softly. 

"I’ll make you a smoothie when I get there, ok?" I say, sitting in my parked car and staring into my lap. 

"Ok," She says quietly. "Thank you."

"I’ll see you soon," I say and hang up. 

I get fresh fruits and vegetables, some of those soup cup things, organic fruit popsicles and in case she doesn’t have it, I grab some honey and green tea as well. She needed fresh fruit and things to calm all the congestion. 

I check out quickly and also purchase a bag of ice for her smoothie and I leave for her place. 

The curtains are closed as I walk up to her apartment and I knock softly. When she doesn’t answer, I open the door and the lights are off and the air is heavy. When I get the light on, I find she is sleeping on the couch. I smile a little and walk towards the kitchen and set the food down, putting the fruit in the fridge and I locate her blender. 

I quickly add some water, carrots, spinach, mango, blueberries, and strawberries into it and blend it together before adding the ice. When it’s done I bring a cup of it to her and she is still passed out. 

"Damn, you are sick," I say quietly and come around the front of the couch and sit on the coffee table, facing her. 

I reach out and move a piece of hair from her face and her skin is pale, but her cheeks are bright red. When my fingers rest on her forehead, her fever is evident. 

"Brindley," I say calmly and she doesn’t respond so I cup her cheek and shake a little, rousing her from her unconscious. 

"Pat?" She whispers and tries to sit up.

"Here’s your smoothie, hun. And I swear to God if you ever call me Pat again, we can’t be friends anymore and I won’t make you anymore smoothies," I wink and she smiles weakly at me and sits up all the way to take the cup I offer.

"Thanks for coming over," She says quietly and moves her legs for me to sit beside her. 

"I got you some of those soup cups if you want something warm," I offer and she shakes her head. 

"This is fine for now. How was your day?" She asks, voice breaking at parts. 

"I dropped Sienna off at the airport. Nothing too exciting," I say, sitting back and reaching for the remote to the television. 

"Oh?" She wonders quietly and I nod. While I flip through the channels, I notice she pulls her knees to her chest out of the corner of my eye and I look over at her. She has the cup of the smoothie settled between her chest and knees and the straw is sitting in her mouth. She takes a sip every few seconds, watching the TV aimlessly and her eyes droop. 

"I’m assuming the meeting is canceled for tonight?" I ask and her eyes open all the way and she looks at me. 

"Meeting…" She looks confused but then recognition registers on her features and she forms an O with her lips. "Oh! The meeting! For the video!" She exclaims and goes into a fit of coughs. I smile and get up to get her some water. 

"My voice was being iffy the other day in the studio," She says when I get back to her. "I shouldn’t have went in yesterday. I think I made it worse."

"Yeah, you’re going to probably be out for a week at least," I tell her and she mumbles a soft ‘great’ under her breath. 

"We can reschedule the meeting for when your fever goes down. I’m texting Bill right now," I inform her.

"Thanks," She says and we sit quietly beside each other.

"We never finished Ghostbusters," I say, giving her a slow smile and she rolls her eyes, setting the empty smoothie cup on the coffee table. 

"Honestly, I’m not sure I can make it through without passing out," She laughs and I shrug, getting up to turn on the DVD player and grab the separate remote.

"Time to try!" I say and settle back in beside her. 

"If you insist," She yawns and pulls the blanket that was sitting in her lap all the way to her chin and tucks her legs under her. 

I start it where we left off and I find I’m not paying attention to one of my favorite movies. Instead I’m watching her from the corner of my eye again and feeling her warmth from the 5 inches she is sitting away from me. She is so small and pale and being sick is making it even more evident. I hear her breath and the soft wheezing from her sickness. She needed to go to the doctor but I wouldn’t bother her with it immediately. I’ll drag her to get some antibiotics tomorrow if she isn’t getting better. 

About 15 minutes into the film, I feel her lean on me and I stiffen. I look down at her and she is sleeping once again. Now, completely relaxing, her feet move out from beneath her and she lays her head in the crook of my neck and presses her body to me completely. I am motionless, not sure what to do. However, my arm that had been sitting on the back of the couch settles around her and I sigh, closing my eyes as I pull her close. I turn my head into her and smell her hair. She smells like fruit and fresh soap, despite her sickness. She must have showered not long before I got here. 

She doesn’t move when I wrap both my arms around her and I relax into the cushions of the couch. I realize then what I am feeling and I hate myself for it. I hate myself for leading on an innocent woman that I left in Chicago and I hate myself for feeling this way for someone completely different when I have always seen myself as a decent guy. But in this moment I do not feel decent. I feel like I want to wake this girl up and press my lips to her soft ones. I want to hold her and make her better and take care of her. I want things a man in a relationship shouldn’t want with another woman. I feel like a cheat and I want to punch myself for it. 

*******

**.Brindley.**

A few days after Patrick came over, we are finally having the music video meeting. I’m not completely better, but my fever is gone. 

I haven’t seen him since he left that night. I remember waking up on his chest and immediately stiffening. He’d fallen asleep alongside me and his arms were around me. They felt amazing. They were warm and fit perfectly around me, but I knew it wasn’t right.

I attempted to get up without disturbing him, maybe get away without him noticing the fact that I was on him, but he opened his eyes as soon as I started moving and we separated silently. We didn’t mention anything, but he left a few minutes after we woke up. The only text I’ve gotten since was about the time of the meeting tonight. 

I sit at the conference table in Bill’s office beside J, waiting for Patrick to get there and I play with my fingers. I also suck on the cough drop to make my throat less irritated. My anxiety is increasing by the minute.

I know when he’s there, though. I feel the air shift and then I hear his steps as he walks in from behind me. He greets J before taking a seat beside me. He smiles into my eyes. He isn’t wearing his hat today and is wearing a simple maroon t-shirt instead of his usual jean jacket or cardigan. Bill walks in with Patrick’s manager and the director. 

"So a few questions we need to ask before we start this. We have a couple ideas for the story in the video, just depends on the route you want to go," Bill begins.

"The song is a duet. People automatically think romance. Did you want to go with the romance theme?" The director asks, eyebrows raised. 

"Well the song isn’t necessarily about love," I say. It’s more of a needed feeling. It spoke of wanting and needing to be something and reaching for it. However, I suppose some could confuse my lyrics with love. I frown, confused. 

"That’s questionable," Bill shrugs. "People take lyrics and meanings of songs in their own way. A lot will associate it with love."

"No," I say and I see Patrick look at me from the corner of my eye. 

"Ok, well, did you have any ideas for the video personally?" He asks me. I sit quietly and look over at J. 

"Whatever you want, boss," He smiles at me. 

"I don’t know. I guess in my head I just imagine walking down the sidewalk? Like, in the city? I don’t know," I say again, feeling uncomfortable. 

"We could have it set in Chicago," Patrick adds and I nod. "It could start in your fake apartment in the city or something. And you leave for a walk and sing as you walk, passing people, seeing stuff. J could ride his skateboard around and annoy you," he laughs. 

"I like that idea," J holds his fist out for a bump from Patrick and I roll my eyes. 

"What about you?" I ask and he shrugs. 

"We could pass each other on occasion when I do the back up vocals. Then like, we run into each other when my part comes and you’re like, crying or something?" He asks and I nod. The lead up to the bridge is desperate. I project being lost in my lyrics and in my voice. It could work. "We could totally just hug it out in the end," He winks at me and I laugh.

"Are we going with this then?" The director inquires, finishing up his notes and I shrug, looking at Patrick and he nods. "I’ll get a direction script written up and get back to you. I guess we can probably schedule the shoot soon. I’ll call you in a week?" He asks Bill and we all shake hands. 

Patrick, J and I walk out of the offices together and head to our cars. However, Patrick pulls me aside while J continues ahead. 

"Listen," He starts, looking down and lifting one of his hands to run through his hair nervously. "About the other night-"

"Don’t worry about it," I cut him off. "I was a hallucinating ball of sickness," I laugh and he smiles hesitantly. 

"But.. I don’t know," He sighs and drops his hands. 

"Brin?" J calls for me and I look over. 

"I’ll text you tomorrow," I smile into Patrick’s eyes and reach up to tangle my arms around his neck and hug him. His arms circle my waist and he pulls me close. They tighten around me and for a moment, I bask in his friendly embrace before pulling away and walking backwards towards the car. "See you later, Little Dude," I wink and he rolls his eyes, giving me a mocking smile. 

"See ya," He laughs and goes to his own car. 

The ride home is silent. J knows me better than anyone and I can tell he’s guessed my inner conflicts. He knows me enough not to talk about it. 

Instead, he puts on the radio and he laces his finger with mine. Anyone looking on would assume it was a romantic gesture, but we’ve been friends so long that it’s nothing more than comfort. He squeezes my hand to let me know he’s there for me and I settle into the comfort of his support. 


	6. Adrian

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a slight maturity warning.

**.Brindley.**

"You cannot tell me you’re afraid of flying," Pete smiles at me. He is sitting across from me on the plane. Patrick is sitting on my left side and J is on my right. We are on our way to Chicago now to shoot the music video for Reaching and we’re going to be staying for about a week and arrange things for the tour. Why we couldn’t shoot it in LA I will never know. But they are making me sit in an aluminum tube for a few hours with turbulence. Joe and Andy are already there. 

"How can I not be afraid of flying?" I stress and raise my hand to the stewardess to get me a water so I can down my second sleeping pill. I wanted Vicodin but my doctor would’t give it to me. 

"We drive everywhere, dude," J informs Pete and puts his earbuds in his ears. "We fly sometimes, but she’s usually passed out before we take off," He continues and turns his iPod on.

"And I do not have anything strong enough to make me pass out right now," I grind my teeth as I hear the engines start up and we begin to move. I grab for the armrests but Patrick already claimed one and I end up grabbing his arm. I’m too wound up to do anything about it so I close my eyes and feel his hand turn and clutch mine. 

When we are leveled out in the air, I open my eyes and look down at his hand that is holding mine. I swallow and look up to see Pete watching us, eyebrows raised and I drop his hand immediately. 

"I hate flying," I pout again and reach for my iPod with shaky fingers. 

"It’s gonna be fine," Patrick smiles at me and I roll my eyes. 

"Yeah, ok, cause you can tell the future," I argue and put the buds in my ears while searching for a song. 

"Just chill," He pats my arm and I glare at his hand. I choose a playlist and turn it up at the highest possible level  as I drift into a hazy unconscious. 

*******

_I hear a knock at my hotel door and I leave my bed to answer it. I’m in my shorts and tank top and it’s around 3am. I have no idea who it is but when I look through the peephole, I see his sandy blonde hair. I bite my lip, stepping back to open the door for him._

_He looks up at me, but says nothing. We only stare at each other and I lean on the door, my left hand clutching at the wood. He is wearing his pajama pants and a plain blue t-shirt, feet bare. His hair is messy as if he had been tossing in bed for a while and running his fingers through it over and over again._

_"Patrick?" I ask quietly and he opens his mouth to say something but nothing comes out. My eyebrows lower in confusion and I run my hand through my long hair nervously._

_His eyes catch my gesture and he steps forward, taking the hand that was still tangled in my hair and he brings it to his lips. My breath catches and I stutter for words. My heart is beating a million miles a minute and soon I feel his hand slide over my waist and up my back, moving me closer to him._

_He crowds me into the room and closes the door before turning back to me and he takes my face in both of his hands, pressing his forehead to my own._

_"You drive me crazy, Brin," He whispers and stares into my eyes._

_"Patrick," I laugh nervously and try to back up._

_"Please," He stops me. "Please don’t pull away from me," He whispers and I freeze in place. He looks upset and confused and angry almost. I want to make him better. I hate seeing him upset and so I lift my hands to his that are cradling my cheeks and I lace my fingers with his. They lower slowly between us and I lean into him and let my lips hover over his. I can feel his breath and my eyelids are not quite closed as I stare into his own._

_"Kiss me," I say so softly that my voice breaks. I see the recognition in his eyes and without any hesitation now, he presses his mouth my mine. He’s sweet and soft and gentle and everything I had imagined he’d be. He moves so slow that I have a hard time being patient. I lift one of my hands to tangle in the hair at the back of his head and he makes a small noise from deep in his throat as he pushes me against the wall._

_He pulls away briefly to look down at me and he smiles, content before-_

"Brindley!" I hear in the distance and I open my eyes quickly to see Pete directly in front of me with a smile spread across his face. "You are drooling, darling."

I notice then that I am indeed drooling and on Patrick’s shoulder. I sit straight up almost too quickly and wipe at my face, breathing hard.  _What the hell,_  I think to myself. 

"You good?" J smiles at me from my right side and I shove my middle finger in his face. 

"I’m gonna go to the bathroom," I mumble and get up out of my seat and pass Patrick without looking at him. 

I wash my face and redo the bun at the top of my head before sitting on the floor and taking a breather. 

What the hell was that? As if it’s not bad enough  _wanting_ him all the time, now I’m fucking dreaming about the actual thing. On his shoulder for Christ’s sake. 

I hold my head in my hands for a minute or two before there’s a knock on the bathroom door.

I quickly wash my hands and open it, but only to be face to face with J. 

"You doing ok?" He asks, hands braced over the door frame so I have no way of getting out. 

"I’m fine," I mumble, pushing on his chest but he doesn’t move. 

"You don’t seem fine," He says knowingly and I roll my eyes. 

"I just had a weird dream, ok?" I say and he nods. 

"Obviously," He says and I freeze, afraid that I might have said something in my sleep or made noises.  _Oh god._

"Why obviously?" I ask cautiously and he shrugs. 

"Oh, I don’t know, you only ran to the bathroom after we woke you up and have been in here for like, 10 minutes," he says. 

"It was just a bad dream," I lie and he nods. 

"Ok," Hey accepts my answer and lets me past him. He follows me back to our seats and I let him in first since he’s by the window. 

I lock eyes with Patrick on accident and his eyebrows raise in question and I give him a reassuring smile before sitting beside him. 

"Better?" He asks.

"Yep. How far are we?" I ask. 

"We’ll be landing in the next half hour," He informs me and I nod, keeping silent and waiting for this ride to end. 

***

The shoot went well. Taylor flew in not long after us and we got to work on hair and make up. They kept my hair down and messy. Without any fancy curls in it or anything, it reaches my hips. They dressed me in black skinny jeans, a teal striped tank top and a feux leather jacket. Basically all I did was one shot of me singing the entire song walking down the sidewalk. Nothing special. 

Although we had to redo Patrick’s part a few times because I couldn’t stop laughing. 

They’re packing up the set now and Taylor is talking about Andy while she gathers her straighteners, curling irons and hair products under the weather tent. I’m somewhat listening while I sit in my chair and pick at the cheese sandwich J had gotten me. 

"Excuse me?" I hear from behind me and I turn to see a man with dark hair stepping under our tent and stands awkwardly, hands in his jean pockets. 

"Yeah?" I ask and he smiles at me.

"Sorry, you’re obviously using it, but we’re gonna start packing up the tent in a minute and I need your chair," He laughs.

"Oh!" I say and hop off it. "Go ahead," I say and Taylor laughs from behind me. 

"Are you sure? I can wait a few minutes-"

"No, take it, I’ll help her get her shit out of your way," I shake my head and he walks up to me to fold up the chair while I bend over to move my bag out from under it. We do this at the same time and I drop my sandwich. Reaching my hand out in attempt to catch it, I end up punching him in the chin. Kind of hard.

"Shit! Sorry!!" I exclaim and he stands up, holding his face and laughing. I hear Taylor trying to muffle her own laughing behind me.

"I’m good!" He holds a hand up, smiling. 

"Oh my god, seriously though, please don’t sue me," I say, reaching for his face to see if I did any damage. 

"Really, I’m fine," He winks and lets go of his chin to show me. "See? Besides, Bill wouldn’t let me sue you," He tells me. 

"How do you know Bill?" I ask, raising an eyebrow. 

"I’m one of his assistants. He’s downtown right now talking to Fall Out Boy’s tour management so I’m helping the clean up," He explains and finally folds up my chair successfully and puts it under his arm. 

"Oh, why haven’t I met you before?" I ask confused. 

"I’m in Chicago more than I’m in LA," He explains and I nod in understanding. 

"Makes sense," I say and he grins at me and starts to walk away. 

"Hey, pretty boy, what’s your name?" Taylor calls and I blanch at her. She shrugs and looks over at him when he stops. 

"Adrian, why?" He answers and raises an eyebrow. 

"We were gonna be exploring the city tonight, but I have a job to do tonight. You should show her around instead, if you’re free," She says. "Brin’s never gotten to really explore it."

"Patrick is from here you idi-" I start but she stomps on my foot from behind the make up cart so he doesn’t see and I bite my tongue and glare at her. 

"I’d be happy to," He smiles. "Got a number?" He asks and she gives him mine. 

"I’ll call you," He tells me and I nod, swallowing. As soon as he leaves, I turn to Taylor and punch her in the arm. 

"What the hell?" I ask.

"What? He’s hot as hell!" She defends. "And he totally wanted your shit. Why not?" 

"Maybe I wasn’t interested?" I ask desperately. 

"Oh, how can you not, sweetie? I know you’ve been hung up on you-know-who," She says softly and puts her hands on my shoulders. "He’s got a girlfriend he is obviously not breaking up with. Either this will make him jealous enough to break up with her or it will help you move on," She explains and I shut my mouth and look down. 

"Fine," I mumble, knowing she’s right. She hugs me briefly and Pete and Patrick walk into the tent to tell us the car was here to take us back to the hotel. 

"You guys want to go downtown tonight? Bar hop or something?" Pete asks as we gather J and head for the car. Patrick is walking silently beside me. 

"Hell yeah!" J exclaims. 

"Brin can’t," Taylor pipes up and I stiffen. I see Patrick look at me from the corner of my eye. Here she goes. 

"Why?" J asks. 

"She has a date tonight, don’t you Brin?" She smiles and puts an arm around my shoulder. 

"Date?" Patrick asks and slows his walk a little before realizing and has to run a few steps to keep up. 

"Bill has been hiding this adorable little intern-"

"Assistant," I correct. 

"Assistant, yeah, sorry. Anyway, Brin punched him in the face and now he’s taking her out," She smiles. 

"You punched him?" Pete laughs as we pile into the car. 

"On accident," I mumble beside Taylor and Patrick sits on her other side. I watch him, wanting to know what he is thinking, but he just stares out his window as we go. 

"Nicely done," Pete says and faces forward. 

I don’t say anything the rest of ride.

Neither does Patrick. 


	7. Walking On Glass That's About To Break

**.Brindley.**

"I hate you so much," I glare at Taylor in the mirror as she pulls my hair into a messy bun.

"Hey, two things can come out of tonight.  Either Patrick will be so blinded with jealousy that he’ll dump his girlfriend and ravish you-"

"Hate is too soft of a word."

"Or you get laid!" She smiles, ignoring my interruption.

"Taylor," I sigh. She puts one last bit of hairspray in my hair before setting the can down and taking a seat beside me on the bed. 

"Just have fun tonight. Even if it’s just you and him hanging out as a couple friends. You need a breather, babe," She says and rubs her hand over my back to comfort me. 

"I’m just so stressed recently," I say, rubbing my forehead and she pulls me into a hug. 

"New album on the way, new music video about to be released and a cute little musician in a fedora fucking with you’re head, of course your stressed. How about we stay a couple days after your business is done here in Chicago and we just slumber party this shit up," She asks. "We can get wine, watch movies, not shower or do our make up while we order hundreds of dollars worth of take out?" She offers.

"…Please?" I ask vulnerably and she hugs me tightly. 

"Now go get shwasty and have fun!" She says and gets up to pick up her things. A couple minutes later, my phone buzzes and it’s a text from Adrian, letting me know he’s in the lobby. 

I call out my goodbye to her and grab my purse on my way out. When I close the door, I turn and run right into Patrick’s chest. He is staying in the hotel as well because his parents are in Glenview, a bit of a drive from where we are and he is in the process of finding a new place in the city.

When we crash into each other, he reaches out his hands to steady me. 

"Hey," He says softly and I look up into his face and wish things weren’t this awkward anymore. At the same time, I feel like it’s me that’s making things awkward. Ever since I woke up in his arms, I can’t even look at him. Ever since I met his girlfriend, I can’t stand to be near him. 

"Hi," I say and try to give him a smile. 

"You going out, then?" He asks hesitantly and I nod. 

"Adrian is in the lobby," I say and his hands leave my arms and settle at his sides. 

"Oh," He responds and I nod. "Listen," He starts and I stiffen. "I don’t know why we are walking on glass around each other, but I don’t like it and I kind of want to go back to being comfortable because I consider you one of my best friends-"

"Stop," I state flatly, biting a hole into my cheek from anxiety. 

"What?" He asks and looks at me and I sigh, running a hand through my hair. 

"Patrick, you are one of my best friends. I don’t know why we are walking on glass here and I don’t want to but I don’t know how to  _not_. I’m really stressed lately. I just need to breath,” I say and before he can respond, I turn my back on him and walk towards the elevator.

When I reach the lobby, I find Adrian immediately. It’s hard to miss him, really. Taylor was right, he’s hot as hell and his smile is dangerous. He’s wearing a simple gray shirt with jeans and his hair is messy, but perfect at the same time. Like he spent a little too long in front of the mirror fixing it. 

He’s tall. Taller than I remember since there is less people around and he towers over me when I walk up in front of him.

"Hello, Brindley," He greets with a grin and waves a hand by him for me to go ahead. 

"What are we doing tonight?" I ask, walking beside him. 

"Straight to the point," He lifts a brow and I try to relax a little. 

"Sorry, just a little wound up recently, I guess," I apologize. 

"Why’s that?" He asks, opening the door to a cab he had waiting for us and letting me in first. I scoot in to the other side and he follows. Before I can answer, he tells the cab to drive to a bar a few blocks away. 

"Just everything that’s been happening with the album and stuff," I inform him once we are moving. 

"And stuff?" He asks, a subtle smile playing at his lips. 

"So Adrian," I laugh. "I don’t know anything about you, seeing as how my friend kind of just randomly made you take me out. Are you a murderer?" I ask and he let’s out a bark of laughter. 

"I have never killed anyone in my life, no," He tells me and I chuckle. "And she didn’t make me take you out. I wanted to," He says. 

"How nice of you," I say with a smile and he nods. "So what are our plans tonight?" I ask. 

"Figure I’ll take you to a small bar down the road for something to eat before we do anything else," He says. "Play it by ear?"

"Sounds good," I nod. 

The bar isn’t busy. It’s more of a restaurant than a bar and we are taken to a booth towards the back and I order a Long Island for starters and a simple turkey club. 

"So why are you single?" He asks me first and I stare at him blankly. 

"Why am I single?" I ask. 

"Your friend forced you on a date with me," He points out and I look down.

"I don’t know, busy, I guess?" I ask. 

"What about Patrick?" He asks and I look up at him sharply. 

"What about him? He has a girlfriend. We’re just friends," I say and he puts his chin in his hand.

"I heard Taylor tell him you had a hot date with an intern and his panties got all twisted up," He says knowingly and the waitress drops our drinks off.

"He did not," I scoff at him and take a long gulp of my drink. 

"Then you both are blind," He says and I stare at him with my mouth dropped open. 

"I thought this was a date," I shoot at him and he gives me a slow smile. 

"I’m gay, darling," He says and I blanch at him. 

"Seriously?" I ask and he nods. "It’s a good thing I didn’t really like you," I growl and take a huge drink. 

"That hurts," He laughs, holding his chest.

"I knew you were too perfect," I laugh. 

"That’s better," He says. 

"Why did you take me out if you’re gay," I ask. 

"Well I figured I’d just take you around town as a friendly gesture and then I saw Patrick get all hot and bothered about you going out with the intern and I figured I knew what you were playing. Well, rather, Taylor was playing it. You were going along with it," He explains.

"Well aren’t you Cupid," I roll my eyes.

"Don’t worry, sweetie, when I’m done with you, he’ll be groveling at your feet. And if he isn’t, he ain’t worth it," He says and sips his own drink. 

"Oh my god," I say exasperated.

"He is pretty cute. I mean, since he lost all that weight, shit!" He says and I glare at him. 

"He was cute back then, too," I defend. 

"That’s so adorable," He laughs and I kick him under the table. "We are going to be best friends, I can tell," He says and the waitress drops our food off.

*******

**.Patrick.**

"You like her, man," Pete tells me. As soon as Brin left the hotel I tried to stay in my room and maybe write a little but my mind was going a million miles a minute. I texted Pete and he made me take a cab over to his place. 

"I can’t do this," I say under my breath and I rock back and forth nervously. "She’s a friend, dude. I have Sienna. She did nothing, she doesn’t deserve-"

"Patrick," Pete stops me and comes over to me and takes a seat on the couch on my left side. "Sienna did nothing, but you can’t keep lying to yourself. You’re going crazy," He says and I look at him for a moment before looking down at my hands. 

"I don’t know what to do," I say. "I don’t want to hurt anyone. I don’t want to hurt Sienna. I don’t want to put mine and Brin’s friendship on the line. I’m at a fucking loss here," I say. I’ve always been a nervous person. I always try to be the best that I can be and be as nice as I can be. I’m not good at hurting people. I don’t want to hurt people. 

"You’re going to hurt Sienna more by leading her on," He says and pats my back. "And you’re hurting Brin even more than that by not doing anything," He finishes. 

*******

**.Brindley.**

Adrian and I ended up staying at the restaurant for the entire evening. He told me he is from Florida and wants to be a tour manager eventually. He is single at the moment, but wouldn’t mind a tall, lean, blonde with a six pack. His words, not mine. 

The cab drops us off in front of the hotel and he walks me in. 

"Thanks for letting me talk and get tipsy," I laugh and he smiles at me. 

"Thanks for providing entertainment and stroking my ego," He says when we’re on the elevator. 

"Thanks for letting me look at your good looks all night. J gets a little hard on the eyes after a while," I laugh again, but more obnoxiously. 

"Anytime!" He exclaims, bowing as the doors open and I walk out in front of him and fish for my key in my bag. 

As we walk down, I see Patrick coming from the opposite end of the hall. We lock eyes and I stop. Adrian runs into my back and grabs me to steady himself. His expression is unreadable and I lift my hand to wave and he does the same. 

"Have a good night?" I ask and he nods, turning to his door and unlocking it. He vanishes from my sight without a word and I sigh heavily, wanting to cry and I lean back into Adrian. He rubs his hands that are still sitting on my upper arms and takes my key from my hand. 

He unlocks my door for me and kisses my forehead. 

"I’ll text you tomorrow. If it makes you feel better, he still doesn’t know I’m gay and all he saw was a very tall young male, man-handling you," He says and I let a pathetic laugh out. 

"Goodnight, and thank you," I say and he nods before leaving. I sit heavily on my bed, not quite drunk anymore. The cold shoulder I got from him was so…hurtful. At least in my eyes. Is he mad at me? Taylor said he’d be jealous if this worked but all I feel right now is dismissed. I want to curl in my bed and cry right now. 

I go into the bathroom and change out of my bar clothes and into some leggings and an oversized sweater. It’s colder here than it is in LA, being that it’s still technically winter. More near spring, but still. 

I quickly brush my teeth, let my hair down from my messy bun and decide to lay in bed and watch a movie before sleep. 

However, before I can crawl into my safety, there’s a knock on my door. 

I freeze, my heart beating and I scold myself. It’s probably just Taylor wondering how my “date” went. 

I don’t even check the peep hole before opening it and I lose my breath as punishment. 

He is bracing the door with both hands, looking down. His breath is heavy and his hair is messy. He stays silent for a moment and I take that time to take him in. He is wearing his jeans and glasses but has taken off his cardigan and is left in his cream t-shirt. He’s pale and stressed and I say his name very softly in question. 

"I broke up with Sienna," He states as soon as his name leaves my lips and I let my jaw drop. 

"What-?" I gasp. My head is hazy and I blink, trying to clear it. 

"I broke up with my girlfriend, Brin," He says and stands straight up, looking me in the eyes. 

"Oh-?" I stutter. I’m in shock, obviously. 

"Yes," He says flatly and just holds my eyes. I swallow, not sure what to do. What does this mean? 

"I’m sorry," I whisper. He laughs, taking a step towards me.

"Jesus, we are bad at this, aren’t we?" He says and before I can get in a word or thought, he takes my face in both of his hands and his lips press to mine. 

I’m still at first. We both are. This new feeling of foreign lips pressed to shocked ones. He’s slow and let’s me settle into him and soon I am reaching up and pulling him closer. I close my eyes hard and push my body into his. I need him. He needs me. 

He crowds me into the wall and I hear the door fall shut. The kiss has barely started before he pulls away and looks at me with the most content expression I have ever seen play on his features. 

"Patrick," I say and he leans his forehead to mine. 

"You drive me crazy, Brin," He says and all I can do is laugh before crushing my lips to his once more. 


	8. Violated

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tiny maturity warning.

**.Brindley.**

My arms are holding him close as his lips move against my own. He tastes sweet. Different from what I had imagined, but it fits. He is gentle, a hand tangling in the back of my head and massaging my scalp. He has me pinned to the wall, trapped. I don’t mind, though. I feel safe with him and for the first time weeks, I feel like I can breath.

"The bed," I gasp, pulling away and his free hand is clutching at my waist. He doesn’t seem to be listening to me and he buries his lips in my neck and I smile, hugging him close as I maneuver us towards the bed.

"Brin," He breaths and I feel his hands slide down my body and reach under my top. I help him, letting him go briefly to take off my sweater. His lips attach to my now exposed collarbone and I bite down on my lower lip. I turn him so his back is to the bed and I push him back to sit. 

His hands lift for me and I crawl into his lap so that I am straddling him and his hands mold to my bottom, holding me close. 

I kiss him again, our mouths moving together and I reach between us to pull at his t-shirt. He let’s me go for just a moment so that I can lift it over his head and I mold my lips to his neck. He makes a small noise and I hear him swear under his breath. 

I pull back then, taking his hands that are resting on my thighs and I lace my fingers with his. He keeps his eyes locked on mine and I look at him for a moment. We do not speak, just take one another in and I feel a warmth engulf my chest. 

Overwhelmed, I throw my arms around him and just hug him to me, my chin resting on his shoulder and his face is lost in my hair. I squeeze him; breath him in. He clutches me to his body and I just hold him for a minute. It almost seems unreal, him being here, touching me, kissing me. 

I don’t want the moment to end and I don’t want to let it go by so fast and fleeting. I’ve been burned before by feelings that couldn’t compare to what I am feeling now for this man and it almost terrifies me.

"Why?" I whisper and he pulls away to look at me. 

"Why what?" He asks just as soft as my whisper, but deep and soothing. I love his voice. It’s low and emotional. Comic-like sometimes, but it flows through me like water. 

"Why did you decide to break up with her? What happened?" I ask and he closes his eyes and leans his cheek against mine. 

"What you said in the hallway before you went out- I don’t like you being withdrawn from me and my feelings were confusing me. I mean, I know I care about you. I knew that the moment I met you," He says and pulls away to look at me. "I panicked. Kind of," He laughs. 

"Kind of?" I chuckle.

"I don’t like hurting people," He looks down briefly before returning to my gaze. "I liked Sienna, sure, but I knew it wasn’t going to last when you came into my life," He shrugs. "I texted Pete and he had me go over to his house and we talked. He made me realize that I was hurting everyone involved by not doing anything."

"Oh," I say and I feel his hand leave my waist to settle on my cheek. 

"So I made a decision," He says finally and I nod, looking down. "I stopped worrying about hurting people and took what I wanted, Brin," He makes me look at him and I meet his eyes. "You," He whispers.

"You were kind of a dick in the hall, though," I smile. "When I got back." I say and he rolls his eyes.

"I was about to break up with her, ok?" He laughs, pulling away and I regret saying anything because I still don’t have a shirt on and when his skin leaves my own, I feel cold. "And you were with that friggen intern who is way more good looking than me."

"Two things," I say, pulling him back to me. "First, you are way more adorable. Second, he’s gay," I smile and he shakes his head, exasperated. 

"You put me through all that stress over someone who doesn’t even dig chicks?" He asks.

"Hey, I went through a few weeks of hell and watched your little brunette tinker bell look-a-like hang on you and shove your relationship in my face. And I still haven’t seen Ghostbusters because of her hourly calls," I point and get up off his lap. 

"No, come back!" He whines and I wink, grabbing my sweater. 

"Now you are going to suffer a little, kind sir," I say and pull it over my head while he glares. 

"I was suffering, too, you know," He says and I smile, rounding the bed and getting in on the right side. 

"Why don’t you go into my bag that’s on the chair and get the movie I have sitting in there and come watch it with me?" I ask and he huffs before getting up and pulling Ghostbusters out. 

"This is going to be the third time trying to watch this together, you know?" He chuckles and slides it into the side of the flatscreen. 

"And we probably won’t get through it all because I’m kind of exhausted," I say as he walks towards the bed. I smile slowly and open my arms wide for him. 

"You will be the end of me," He groans and falls into me, wrapping his arms around me. I hear the beginning of the movie but I don’t pay attention as his lips consume me. He pulls me close and I settle into the embrace like I was meant to be there.

*******

"Patrick!" I groan as he pulls my hand down the sidewalk. "My feet hurt!" I whine and he laughs at me. He stops to let me catch up and I loop my arm through his as we continue. 

I woke up cuddled into his chest this morning and it was one of the best mornings I’ve ever had to be quite honest. He’s different when he sleeps and when I opened my eyes to see his familiar features, I felt content. He was relaxed and less stressed. I watched for a few minutes before he woke up and smiled at me, calling me a weirdo for staring. 

His hair was messy and out of place, poking over the pillow at all types of different angles. His eyes were puffy and tired. He didn’t like waking up and I voiced my observation to him.

He replied with, “No, I hate mornings. But it’s not as painful with you here.”

He’s taken me to a few of his favorite places in the city today, once we were able to pull ourselves out of bed and into showers. 

One was a science museum in which he decided to pretend he was God and play with the weather. 

Almost terrifying but equally adorable. 

We had lunch at an American diner and now we are headed for his favorite record store. He goes on and on about it, telling me how he used to go there when he was in high school all the time and buy old records that sometimes didn’t even work. 

"How much further?" I ask and he smiles down at me. 

"Just up here," He says and I lean into his side as we walk. "You’re gonna love this place!" He says and I chuckle as we approach a large sign that reads "Reckless Records."

He opens the door for me and I walk in ahead of him. The smell hits me first and it reminds me of the old record store my grandpa used to take me to when I was younger. 

He’d let me pick a couple out and we’d bring them back to his house and he’d let me play with the record player. I would sit hours in front of it, watching the needle circle the record and listen to the music it was somehow able to produce. 

That’s how I got interested in music. I would sit and sing along to them while my grandpa read his hunting magazines. When he noticed I took a liking to the sounds, he taught me the piano. I would imitate the songs off the records and sing along and perform. 

Once I got a feel for one instrument, he taught me guitar with his old acoustic that had a hard time getting tuned. I would beg my parents to let me visit my grandparents whenever possible.

I walk over to the old records once the door is closed behind me and immediately reach for the ones I recognize. Ones that my grandpa would have bought for me and ones he had in his own collection. 

When he died, my grandma gave them all to me. My eyes sting and I begin piling records in my arms. 

"This place has millions of them," Patrick says behind me and I turn to him, pressing my lips to his in an unexpected kiss. He kisses me back softly, a hand resting comfortably on my waist and I pull away smiling. 

"Thank you," I whisper. 

He nods at me and I turn back to the stacks. His hand rests on the small of my back as he thumbs through a few records himself and we fall into an easy silence. 

I watch him out of the corner of my eye every few minutes and I can’t help but smile at the way his eyebrows narrow in with concentration. The little habits he has when reading and studying. 

Eventually he feels my gaze and looks over at me.

"What?" He laughs and I shrug, going back to looking at titles. 

"You’re cute, that’s all," I say and he scoffs. 

"Cute? I’m a man. I’m supposed to be handsome and rugged."

"You don’t have a beard, so you can’t be rugged. Plus you’re hands are too soft," I say and run a finger over his palm as I turn and pass him to head for the register. 

"Handsome?" He asks, following me. 

"Of course!" I laugh. Obviously he wished to be handsome, sort of badly. 

"That’s not reassuring," He says and I roll my eyes. I pay for my records, not allowing him to even pull his wallet out and we get our bags to leave. 

However as we exit the store into the cold Chicago wind, we are met with very large, brown accusing eyes. 

"So this is why you broke up with me?" She hisses at him and I feel the need to defend him. He has stiffens beside me and she turns her eyes to me and glares. "Seriously?" She says and I sigh. 

"Sienna," He starts and she shakes her head. 

"Were you cheating on me? Just tell me the truth, Patrick," She says and I take his hand in mine. 

"He wasn’t cheating on you. Do you really think he could do that?" I say. 

"I don’t know, I mean, it hasn’t even been 24 hours and you’re parading around with this slut," She says to him and nods her head at me. 

"That’s enough," He states coldly. "Stop with the name calling. She didn’t do anything to you. We broke up because you couldn’t handle the distance and I couldn’t take it anymore. I didn’t want to lead you on and hurt you," He says and I look at the ground. This isn’t my fight.

"Yeah, that’s rich. You’re not fooling anyone, honey. Not when your hanging on each other the morning after. Have fun fucking a whore," She spits and walks away from us. He sighs and I secretly wish to follow her, punch her a few good times and leave her on the sidewalk but I hold myself back. 

Patrick turns to me and begins to speak, but only to shut his mouth very quickly and look over my shoulder. 

I glance behind me and spot a few people with cameras. They look like tourists, but they are fascinated with us and I know they recognize us. 

"Patrick! Patrick Stump, from Fall Out Boy?" One calls and starts for us. 

"Is that Brindley Reed?" One asks as they approach and I stiffen. I don’t mind fans. I love my fans, but people like this, that take pictures without asking and approach me in a personal setting are more threatening to me. I back up and he lets my hand go. 

"Are you two together? Oh my god, can I get your autograph!" One asks me and I smile timidly and nod. 

"Of course," I say softly and I see Patrick watching me as I sign their receipt they pull out last minute, knowing it will go on eBay immediately. 

Patrick takes the same one and signs it and signs a few other things the group offers and I refuse the pictures they ask for. They seem disappointed but I feel violated somehow. I wave at them and turn my back, walking quickly away from both them and Patrick. 

I hear him run after me and I raise my hand at a passing cab.

"Hey, wait up, are you ok?" He asks once the cab stops and lets us in. 

I don’t reply right away. I take a breather instead and he sits silently, waiting for my reply. When I don’t give one, he says my name very softly.

"I think we should back up a bit," I say and he stays still beside me. 

"What do you mean?" He asks and I look out my window. 

"I’m not used to having my personal life being exposed like that. I don’t like it. This is the first time it’s ever happened and Sienna is right," I look at him. "You broke up with her last night. We need time to breath," I say and he furrows his eyebrows, but nods. 

"If that’s what you want," He says. 

"I care about you," I say, taking his hand in mine. "I just want this to work, so let’s just slow to a walk, ok?" I ask and he nods, squeezing my hand. 

"Ok," He says.


	9. And So It Begins

**.Brindley.**

"Three months of stop and go, itty bitty living space and sleeping in a bunk next to mine. How are your feelings on this Miss Reed?" J asks me in an announcer’s voice from the driver’s seat on our way to the loading garage. It’s a about an hour outside of Chicago. I laugh and shake my head. 

"It’ll be better than sleeping in the back seat of a van that needs a cleaning very badly," I say and he nods in agreement. 

We are leaving for tour today. We are starting in Chicago and working our way through the country over the next few months. Our album is finished and is set to release this month. 

And mine and Patrick’s song was released this week as well. The feedback we have gotten from it was more overwhelming than the award nominee. 

It’s only been a couple weeks since we left Chicago. Only a small amount of time since he dumped his girlfriend.  _For me._  We’ve been really busy since getting back to LA that we haven’t really had much time to talk and I’ve been able to keep my mind on other things. He didn’t want to take that step back. I knew that. I didn’t really want to either, but what Sienna said to us was true. He broke up with her less than 24 hours before we were out in public.

And another thing about the public, is that I don’t like my personal affairs splattered all over the internet. I never thought it would be a problem for me. It felt like such a foreign thing. When those people started taking pictures of us I felt completely violated and it sickened me. A personal moment between myself and someone else was invaded by people desperate for a picture and a signature to sell. 

Patrick has been understanding. He’s very private as well, but is more used to this type of thing than me. He’s left me alone mostly over the last couple weeks, allowing me to adjust into it. 

Today will actually be the first time seeing his face in 12 days, but who’s counting? 

"You ok over there?" J asks and I am ripped away from my personal thoughts and brought back to reality. I look at him and smile.

"Yeah, I’m good," I say and he lifts a brow. Ok, so maybe I have yet to tell him or anyone else about Patrick and I. J suspects, obviously, but nothing has been confirmed to him.

"You sure?" He asks and I nod as we pull into the large parking lot and see 3 large tour busses lined up. I spot Patrick immediately as they load luggages into the storages under the busses. 

Taylor is already there, dictating where to put her things and I spot our temporary guitarist Alicia. She is standing close to Taylor and has her guitar case hanging from her fingers. 

We park quickly and grab our things. I pack lightly so I only have two suitcases. 

"You need help?" I ask J and he shakes his head, piling his assortment of bags in his arms.

I laugh, round the car and almost run into Patrick. 

"Oh," I say out of surprise and he reaches for one of my suitcases, brushing his hand against my own deliberately and he looks into my eyes. 

"Hey," He says with a small smile and I give him one of my own. 

"Hi," I reply softly. 

"How have you been?" He asks, not allowing me to move from my spot. He is standing so close I can smell the soap he used in the shower this morning. 

"Fine. Lot’s to do," I laugh and he nods. 

"I’ve missed you," He says so low I almost miss it and I close my eyes. 

"I know," I swallow and look back into his eyes and he looks almost frustrated. 

We hear a throat clear behind me and he takes a step back and looks over at J. 

"Hey, man!" He smiles.

"Hello," J says, coming up to stand beside me with 3 bags stuffed under each arm. He sizes Patrick up and I roll my eyes. 

"Ok, come on!" I say and walk past Patrick, brushing his arm with my own. They follow me to the busses and I meet up with Taylor and Alicia. They smile at me when I approach them. 

"Hello, darling," Taylor greets and hugs me. 

"Hey," I laugh and turn to Alicia. "Hey!" I smile at her and she nods at me. 

"How you been?" She asks me and I feel Patrick come up behind me and I stiffen. He runs his palm over mine and grips for the suitcase handle. 

"I got this for you," He says and I blush, letting go. 

"I’m good," I reply to Alicia and I notice Taylor raising an eyebrow as her eyes follow Patrick. 

Alicia has toured with us before and we saw each other the week when I got back from Chicago for rehearsals. 

I’ll be mainly playing piano, J on drums, Alicia on guitar and then we have the bass on back track. 

"So you know you can’t tour with us and not get pranked right?" Pete says, approaching us. 

"Bring it on mother fucker!" J yells from where he is near the bus. I laugh, shaking my head. 

"Oh it’s already planned out. Be ready," He says, looking at me and I frown. Why at me? I don’t like this game already. 

"What the hell did you do?" Patrick asks Pete, shaking his head. 

"Nothing!" He says, throwing his hands up and walks quickly back to their own bus. Patrick glances at me before following Pete in haste. 

"I get top bunk!" J says, rushing onto our bus and I laugh. 

"Guess we should get ready. First stop is a little over an hour, depending on traffic," Taylor says and I follow her on. 

The community space is clean. On the right side there is a couch and a booth with a table. Left side is the kitchenette. I continue towards the back and there is 2 sets of 3 bunks. I claim the left one nearest to the ground because there is no way I am able to climb all the way up. Taylor grabs the one above mine and Alicia takes the one directly opposite mine. 

I was able to talk Bill into putting Adrian as our tour manager. He will be meeting us at the first venue. 

"Are we ready to head out?" I hear Patrick call from the front and I walk back out into the community area. 

"Yeah, I think we’re good," I say and he nods. I smile at him when he doesn’t leave.

"You want me to ride with you? I mean, it’s only an hour, I could-"

"Seriously?" I laugh. "This is my bus, get off!" I say, pushing his shoulder a little and he gives me a cheeky grin, hunching his shoulders. 

"I’m just asking!" He jokes and grabs my hand, squeezing it quickly. He begins to walk down the steps, letting my fingers rest in his until our hold breaks from the distance. 

"I’ll see you soon," I say and the bus driver brushes past him and takes his seat at the wheel. 

When I turn towards the back I see Taylor crossing her arms and glaring at me. 

"What?" I ask, uncomfortable. 

"Oh, you know what," She says and walks up to me. I pull my chin in and look at her like she has five heads. 

"I don’t know, actually," I say, playing dumb. 

"I saw that," She pointed towards the steps and I sigh. 

"Ok?" I ask and try to pass her towards the bunks so I can make my bed.

"Hold up, tell me what’s going on?" She asks, grabbing my wrist and I sigh. 

"Him and Sienna broke up," I mumble under my breath. 

"What?" She asks, surprised. 

"Like, two weeks ago…" I say and she glares at me. 

"And you’re just now saying something? Is there anything else I should know?" She questions me and I look anywhere but her. "Oh my god, there is," She says and drags me to the couch. "Spill!" 

"Um… I just- I don’t know where to start?" I say, uncomfortable. 

"Oh my god," She scoffs. 

"Ok, ok, I’m sorry," I look down and close my eyes. Like a bandaid, do it quickly. "Ok, so when I got back from my date with Adrian, Patrick saw us and brushed me off and I was super upset and wanted to cry and Adrian is gay but Patrick doesn’t know that and basically Patrick broke up with his girlfriend after brushing me off and then came to my room and told me and he kissed me and we… didn’t do much… but did enough and he stayed the night-"

"Adrian is gay?" She questions.

"Is that all you are getting from this?" I ask.

"Keep going."

"The next day, he took me out to see Chicago and it was amazing and perfect and he was perfect but we ran into Sienna and she called me a slut and accused him of cheating since it was so quick and people were taking pictures," I sigh. "So I put the breaks on things and decided we needed to slow down. He’s having a hard time," I say and she gives me a look. "Ok, we both are," I amend, rolling my eyes. 

"Holy shit," She say, looking out the window. "I can’t believe Adrian is gay."

"Seriously?!" I ask and she laughs, taking my hand. 

"I am deeply offended that you didn’t tell me that you almost did the deed with the runt," She says and and I roll my eyes again. 

"I hate you," I say. 

"I love you too," She smiles. "But seriously, if you need to take it slow, take it slow. Don’t do anything you don’t want to," She says. 

"That’s the problem. It’s not about what I want. It’s about what I need. I want to throw him against a wall and have my way with him, but I need to take it slow because I want it to work," I explain and she laughs. 

"Don’t you think life is a little too short to take things slow?" She asks and I narrow my eyes. 

"Look who’s talking? If life is too short, why don’t you jump Andy’s bones already?" I call her out and she stiffens. 

"About that-"

"OH MY GOD," I yell and she covers my mouth with her hand. J walks out with Alicia with raised eyebrows. 

"You guys good?" He asks, opening the fridge. 

"Yes," I say when she let’s me go and she puts a finger to her lips. 

I shake my head at the same time my phone vibrates and she reaches for it. 

"No!" I say, reaching for it, but she holds it over my head and walks past me to the bunks. "Oh my god, I am going to end you," I say, following her past J and Alicia.

"He wants to know what you’re wearing!" She says and I grab it. 

"He does not," I grumble, sitting in my bunk and looking down at his text. 

_This is not happening the entire tour. We will have travel slumber parties._

I smile and Taylor climbs into my bunk with me. 

_Aww, but where will you sleep?_ I text back.

"In you," Taylor says and I elbow her in the ribs. 

"You are the worst," I laugh. 

"Part of my charm!" She says and points to my phone when I have a response. 

_Don’t care. I’ll buy a sleeping bag. What are you doing right now?_

"He wants in your sleeping bag," Taylor comments.

"Will you stop?" I laugh. I quickly text him back a vague message about chilling in my bunk before turning to her. "You need to spill some serious tattooed beans," I point. 

"What?" She asks, holding her hands up. "We’re having fun!" She says. 

"How long?!" I ask and she thinks for a moment. 

"I don’t know? Like a month?" She says. 

"And you were pissed that I didn’t say anything!" I accuse and she laughs, shrugging. "You are unbelievable," I chuckle, laying down to try and nap with my legs over her. 

*******

The venue is packed and loud. Before our set, I am warming up in a room with Patrick since no one wants to listen to our vocal exercises. 

I’m going through my scales when he comes up behind me and hugs me. I lean back into him and close my eyes, letting my voice keep it’s rhythm. I enjoy his body pressed to mine for just a moment until his lips touch my neck, making my voice waver. 

"Seriously, stop," I laugh quietly and pull away, continuing my scales with a knowing look on my face. 

"Just let me kiss you. Just once!" He whispers and leans in to kiss my neck as I continue my warm up. 

"Not now!" I say, laughing a little. "It tickles and I’m on in like 15 minutes!" I say, grabbing a water bottle from the table and taking a swig. 

He takes the bottle I offer him and rolls his eyes, opening his mouth and letting out the first few words of a Phil Collins song. 

"Seriously?" I laugh. "I’m doing scales and you’re starting with Phil Collins?"

"I got a range, baby," He winks and I roll my eyes, singing along with him. 

The show is so energetic and amazing, it blows my mind. We perform 5 songs. The third one is mine and Patrick’s single and he comes out at his part to sing with me. The fans go absolutely insane. 

Once our set closes, I give a quick wave to them and run off the left side. I grab a towel from Taylor and wipe at my face while the stage crew sets up for Fall Out Boy. 

"That was so bad ass!" J screams, jumping on me. 

"Right!" I laugh. "Shit you stink!" I gag when he climbs off and continues towards the dressing room. 

I smile at Alicia when she passes me and she wipes at her own face with a large grin. 

I stay by the stage to talk to one of the guitar techs until the guys start for their spots. Patrick passes me last and when he sees me, he stops. 

"You’re amazing, you know that?" He asks and the lights go out for them to start. Before I can move, he wraps a hand around my neck in the dark and I feel his lips press to mine. 

Almost as fast as it started, the kiss ends and he pulls away from me. I sit in the blackness, consumed by the roars of the excited crowd and I hear the first few chords of Thriller. A blue light is cast from behind them and onto the familiar white curtain and I watch Patrick open is mouth in the light and begin singing.

In that moment, I knew I was a goner. 


	10. Holy Shit

The days have begun to blur. My sense of time is nonexistent and I define city by weather condition. 

The only thing that seems real to me is him. He’s done this dozens of times, traveled the world, jumped from time zone to time zone. I’m an amateur compared to him, but he’s been helping me. 

After the first show, when he had kissed me in the darkness, I knew I was in deep. First, he’d been my best friend. That really adorable, talented, kind best friend with the girlfriend. But now he is free from that and reaching for me blindly. I am reaching for him too, finding it hard to keep things at a normal pace. Being in such close quarters with someone you already have strong feelings for only makes things happen faster. And makes it almost frustrating.

I look down at our hands that are intertwined beneath his blanket and try to hold back a smile. We’re still keeping this quiet. Only people that really know are Taylor, Pete and Andy. 

The day is my night and I silently thank whoever came up with the extremely tinted windows on this bus. 

At the moment, we’re resting before tonight’s show. Well I and everyone else is. Patrick is messing with a song on his computer with very large headphones on.

"You want to go lay down in my bunk?" He asks me quietly, removing a headphone from his right ear and I shake my head, laying my cheek on his shoulder and squeeze his hand. 

We’re about 3 hours from the next stop and he was staying up to write. That’s something I’ve learned about him while we have traveled together. He doesn’t sleep much on tour. 

I feel his face turn into my hair and his lips press into my scalp. I close my eyes, enjoying the feel of him. 

We don’t touch much. Just hands and things. It’s as if he’s respecting my wishes to go slow almost too seriously. I’m the one that put up the wall and I guess I’m going to have to be the one to break it down.

He has his computer sitting in his lap and I watch as he does his work, nodding his head during playbacks. His hand movements are slightly awkward since I have his right hand held captive in my own.

I remove myself from him and lay back on the couch, facing him. He glances at me and smiles at me when I catch his gaze. I slowly lift my feet into his lap and poke his laptop. 

"What are you doing?" He laughs and I shrug, smiling. I push it a little and he sighs, setting it onto the floor and away from the couch. He sets his headphones on top of it and I give him a large grin and open my arms to him. 

"I asked if you wanted to lay in my bunk," He says, sliding over me lazily and burying his hands under my back. His head rests on my chest and I take his hat off, running my fingers through his hair. 

"I didn’t want to lay in the bunk," I reply, yawning. 

"No, you’d rather me crush you," He chuckles into my collarbone and I wrap my arms around him and squeeze. 

"Mmmhmm," I hum and close my eyes. "Now we can sleep," I say and continue to run my nails through his hair. To be honest, I mainly do this in hopes of him getting some sleep. He needs it more than me, really. 

I hear start to hum a melody that I do not recognize. I assume it’s one that he’s been working on and I begin to drift to the sound of it. 

**.Patrick.**

I feel the bus come to a stop and I lift my head a little to see we are getting fuel. I slowly pull away from Brin, careful not to wake her and I cover her up with my blanket. 

"We’ll be stopped for a few minutes if you want to grab anything," Our bus driver Dave says on his way out and I nod, making sure my wallet is in my back pocket before following him down the steps. 

The air is getting warmer as spring takes over and I stretch my back a bit, looking around. We’re in the middle of a few corn fields at the moment. Nothing much to see. I see the We Are Broken bus at one of the other pumps for large busses and trucks and Pete’s and Joe’s is waiting. I see J jump off their bus and spot me. He nods and jogs over.

"Dude I am in serious need for some snackage," he says and I laugh. 

"Totally," I agree and we walk into the fuel station’s attached store and he heads for the candy. I grab a bag of Twizzlers and large bottle of FIJI. I also add a bottle of cranberry juice and some skittles for Brin and head to the register. 

"I didn’t know you liked skittles," J says from behind me and I look over at him after I hand the cashier some cash. 

"Brin’s," I say simply and allow him to pass me to pay once I get my change. 

"Oh yeah," He says, paying quickly for his snacks and turns to me so we can walk out. "She’s on your bus isn’t she," He asks flatly and I stiffen a bit. 

"Yeah," I say carefully and he grabs my shoulder, stopping me and I look at him. 

"Me and Brin; we’re like siblings," He says and I nod. "I’ve known her since middle school, man. I know her more than myself and she’s been with me through everything," He finishes and stares at me. 

"Ok," I say, kind of uncomfortable. 

"I don’t know who you both think you are fooling, but it’s the most obvious shit in the world. So I’m just saying that if this goes sour, I’m probably gonna beat your ass," He says and I laugh awkwardly. 

"To be honest, if it goes sour, she’d be the one doing it to me," I sigh and start walking. 

"What’s that supposed to mean?" He questions and I sigh. 

"It means that she’s already putting me through the wringer, dude. I’ve been in deep since I met her. She’s keeping me at bay," I explain. 

"Oh," He says shortly and I nod. "That’s my girl!" He cheers and I roll my eyes, laughing. 

"We’re ready to head out!" Dave calls for us and we start walking. 

"But yeah, just don’t hurt her. That’s all I ask," He says and slaps me on the back.

"Don’t plan on it," I smile and he hops on the We Are Broken bus. 

I follow Dave onto mine and Andy’s and I find Brin sitting up, wiping her face and her long red hair is falling over her shoulders in a big mess. 

"I woke up and you weren’t there," She sneers at me playfully and I set the bag of snacks on the floor before sitting beside her, wrapping my hands around neck and press my lips to hers. 

She reacts immediately, wrapping her smaller hands around my wrists and squeezing, pushing closer to me.

I nibble at her lips a bit before pulling away. I watch as she takes a few moments to open her eyes again.

"Ok," She says and breaths in.

"I got you some Skittles and cranberry juice," I smile and turn to reach for the bag. When I turn back to her, she shoves the bag out of the way and pushes me back onto the couch. She crawls on top of me and crushes her mouth to mine. I reach up to bury my hands in her hair and she has her own hands braced on the arm rest while she hovers over me. I let one of my hands move down over her neck and shoulder. 

I decide to take the next step and while I pull away from her lips, I let my hand come to rest over her breast before pressing my lips to her throat. I find that spot at the base and I hear her make a small sound. Her hand moves from above my head to settle at my side. She moves down, finding my lips again and we move together. 

"Oh, wow," I hear in the distance and it takes me a few seconds to register that she is scrambling to move away from me. I open my eyes, still laying on my back and see Andy standing in the entry way to the bunks looking extremely uncomfortable. 

"Yes hello, thank you for waking up at the most inconvenient time ever," I say, sitting up and glancing at Brin. She is trying hard to hide a smile. 

"Yes, hello, you’re welcome. I just saw you palm a tit where I enjoy setting my ass and I will never be able to sit there ever again," Andy says sarcastically and goes to the cupboard to retrieve his cookies and retreats back to the bunks. 

"Oh my god," Brin laughs, pulling her knees up and resting her forehead on them. 

I laugh beside her, shaking my head and reaching for the bag again. I hand her the skittles and juice and retrieve my own drink. 

"You ok?" She asks me when I’ve taken a long gulp of the cool water. 

"I will be," I chuckle, and she looks down, trying to hide her knowing smirk.

***

**.Brindley.**

Holy shit. Oh my god. 

_Holy shit._

I am pacing the dressing room alone at the moment. My mind is going a few hundred miles a minute and the few moments I had with him on the bus keeps punching me in the face. 

I almost ripped his clothes off. So much for taking shit slow, yeah?

Adrian has recently informed me that the next show isn’t for a couple days. We are in New York City at the moment and will be doing a series of interviews tomorrow afternoon. 

For the first time in almost a month, we are getting hotel rooms with real beds. 

I sit down on the old couch that is setting against the wall and close my eyes.

Oh boy. Real beds. 


	11. He Is What's Right

After the show I found myself completely exhausted. I ended up passing out in my room as soon as we got to the hotel. Patrick couldn’t stay with me because Pete insisted he go with him to DJ at a club.

At 8am I am woken by Taylor. She makes me shower, does my hair and make up before we get breakfast. 

"How many interviews did Adrian say there’s gonna be?" I ask, drinking my tea in the little restaurant inside the hotel. 

"5 or so?" She says. "Fuse wanted one, I know. So did MTV and a few radio stations?"

"I am so not prepared for interviews," I sigh. 

"Are you sick?" She asks and I see her glance over my shoulder. 

"Not really, just tired. Maybe my body got too excited to sleep in a real bed and I made it leave it too soon," I laugh and she smiles. I feel someone sit beside me and I look over to see Patrick, freshly showered and smiling. 

"Good morning," He greets and sips at his coffee. 

"Hi," I smile and Taylor rolls her eyes. 

"Where’s Andy?" She asks and Patrick turns to her with raised eyebrows. 

"In his room. Where you left him?" He asks and she coughs a little. 

"Shut up, Stump. I’m gonna go wake him up. I’ll see you later, babe. Have fun at the interviews!" She smiles and leaves. 

"You excited?" He asks me, leaning back against his chair. 

"Nervous?" I say and set my drink down to pick at my muffin I ordered. 

"Don’t be nervous! J will probably talk the entire time anyway," He says and I nod, laughing. 

"Probably," I say. "So what are you doing today?" I ask.

"Well me and Joe are doing one of the interviews with you on Fuse I think. Talking about Reaching and the tour. Then I’m going to one of my favorite record stores, see some friends, maybe get something to eat," He says and I pout. 

"Without me?" I ask and he laughs. 

"You’re busy! Next time when there’s free time, I’ll take you around?" He offers and I continue to pout, eating my muffin. 

"Stupid interviews," I say. 

**~*~**

"So new album! New single! Huge tour! You were even nominated for best new artist. How’s all this feeling for you?" The interviewer at Fuse asks and I smile. 

"Insane?" I laugh. J nods. We have Alicia with us as our official guitar player. 

"And you collaborated with Patrick Stump?" He asks and we nod. "How’d that come to be?" He asks and I see Patrick smile from behind the camera. 

"We met the guys of Fall Out Boy at the award show a few months ago. We met up at the studio a few times and had some ideas. Patrick and her hit it off," J answers and I stiffen a little and I see Patrick shake his head. 

"Hit it off?" The guys smiles. 

"We write well together. He is literally a music genius," I explain.

"He really is! Speaking of Stump, we have half of Fall Out Boy in our studio today. Everyone please welcome Patrick Stump and Joe Trohman of Fall Out Boy!" He announces and I watch them walk in front of the camera and take a seat beside us. The audience grows loud and ecstatic and I smile at Patrick. 

The interview goes on, mostly questions about Fall Out Boy now and I sit back, relaxed. 

Soon enough, it ends and we say our goodbyes. 

"Off to MTV now," Adrian says, making sure we have our things and tries to rush us to the car. 

"Will you come? Just for this one?" I ask Patrick, panicking a little. His eyebrows lower in concern and he nods. 

"Yeah, Joe can’t come though, he’s gonna go home and hang out with his wife while we’re in the city," He says and I hug Joe goodbye. He smiles at me before heading to his cab. 

"Come on, Brin! Gotta go!" Adrian calls from our car and Patrick puts a hand on the small of my back and ushers me into the interior. 

The next interview isn’t so nerve wracking now that I’ve started. The questions are the same, faces are just different. 

Once this one is over, I approach Patrick who is on his phone. 

"Hey, man, I gotta go. I’ll be over in a few. Bye," He says and hangs up and I raise a brow. 

"You gotta go?" I say and he nods, smiling at me. 

"I’ll be at the hotel by the time you’re done tonight," He assures me while Adrian calls for me. "Here’s an extra key to my room. Just stop in when you get in," He says and kisses me on the cheek, not wanting to do anything intimate in public for fear of cameras. 

"FIne," I sigh, taking the key and slipping it in my pocket. 

"You’ll be fine. You have J, Alicia and Adrian with you," He says, pushing a piece of my hair behind my ear. 

"I know, I just get nervous when they ask me all these questions. You know what you’re doing and even if you’re not doing the interview with me, you calm me down by being there," I mumble, looking at my feet. 

"I know. I’m sorry," He says regretfully and I sigh, looking around us to make sure no one is looking before I get on my tip toes to press a kiss to his lips very briefly. 

"Come on!" Adrian groans and I laugh, pulling away and passing Patrick to go to the car. 

"I’ll see you tonight!" Patrick calls after me and I hold a thumbs up over my head. 

The rest of the interviews are tedious, but not as nerve wracking at the first two. The last of them are radio so no cameras are on us. J talks the most out of all of us. 

We have short breaks between each one, but it drags the day out and I find myself thinking of tonight.

He gave me a key. The fact that we have real beds makes me think more than I should. I mean, I care a lot about him. I’m not good at this stuff though. I’m only 23 and been in one real relationship. Once we started touring, I was still in high school and I couldn’t really hold anything real.

I’m insecure with this stuff. I can jump around and scream and sing on stage, but when I’m faced with sharing everything I am with another human being, I’m stuck.

"You ok?" I hear Alicia ask beside me. We are on the car, waiting in traffic. 

"Yeah," I smile at her. I’ve known Alicia for years. She was one of my best friends in high school and the only person that really has stayed constant in my life, along with Taylor and J. 

"So you and Patrick?" She asks and I laugh. 

"Obvious, yeah?" I say and she smiles and shrugs. 

"You’re not very good at hiding it, love," She says and I sigh. 

"I know. We’re trying to take things slow and keep things quiet," I say.

"Been a while since you’ve been in this position," She states and thoughts of my ex boyfriend, Steven come to mind. 

"Relationships aren’t my specialty," I say. She knows what I’m talking about. Steven was the long time boyfriend I left at home so I could tour and then I never called enough. 

"He wasn’t exactly an A+ boyfriend, Brin," She say, putting an arm around me. 

"I don’t know what I’m doing," I groan and put my hands over my eyes. 

"No one ever does," She says. "If it’s right, it’s right. And I think Patrick is what’s right for you," She says to me and I look into her brown eyes and nod. 

"I keep pushing him away and I am so sick of it," I say softy. 

"Do what feels true," She says and I sigh.

"I know," I agree and she smiles at me. 

"It’ll be ok," She finishes as we pull into another parking lot. 

**~*~**

I put the key he gave me into his door and slowly turn the handle. The lights are low and I can hear him tapping at his laptop. 

We finally finished up the interviews and we stopped to get a late dinner on the way back to the hotel. I barely ate though. I was so wound up, my stomach felt like it was going to burst. 

I walk in, closing the door behind me and lean against it. He’s sitting on his bed, back against the headboard and his feet are crossed at the ankles.

His computer is in front of him on his lap and his headphones are settled over his ears. I watch him from the shadows of the door for a moment. His face is scrunched up in concentration and his bottom lip juts out a little. I smile softly, knowing I’ll startle him no matter how I enter the room.

I take a soft step into the room, leaning forward and I feel my long hair fall over my shoulder as I enter his field of vision. He glances up briefly and his body jumps in shock and he laughs, holding a hand to his heart as he takes off his headphones.

"You scared me!" He smiles and I shrug, a content smile on my face. I’m nervous. Obviously. I watch him set his laptop aside on the side table. He lays his headphones and phone on top of it and he stretches his arms over his head. I watch his bleach washed denim shirt move up with his stretch and I get a small glimpse of his white skin beneath it. 

"Sorry," I chuckle and walk forward. He lowers his arms now, opening them for me and I crawl into the bed beside him. I let my head rest in the crook of his neck and I feel his arms wrap around me from the side. 

"How was your day?" He asks me softly and I sigh.

"Once you left, it was kind of shitty. The interviews were just so repetitive you know?" I ask. He nods into my hair and I close my eyes. I’m a grown ass woman. Why am I this fucking nervous. 

I feel his soft hand rub over my arm and I focus on it. I let it relax me. The only sounds in the room is our breathing and the subtle play of the music in his headphones. 

"Why do you like me?" I ask under my breath. 

"I more than like you, Brin. And why wouldn’t I?" He asks and I pull away briefly. His arms fall away from me and I raise to my knees on the mattress, turning to him. I lift my leg over his lap until I am straddling him. 

I meet his eyes and he is looking into mine calmly. His hands rest on my thighs and I lean forward, letting my lips brush the tip of his chin. I pull away a fraction and meet his eyes again. 

"I care about you because you’re kind," He tells me. "The first time I saw you, you were standing with a bunch of excited fans and touching every one of their hands. You brought smiles to everyone of them. I care about you because you’re talented. I care about you because you’re beautiful and weird and nerdy and independent and you care for everyone. You’re my best friend and so much more than that, Brin," He finishes softly and I find myself unable to breath. 

"Patrick," I say so quietly that my voice cracks and he leans into me, pressing his lips to mine. I respond, letting a hand rest on his chest. I feel his hands gripping my thighs and I press my body to his. I take his mouth and taste him on my tongue. We are breathing each other’s air and I find it hard to pull away. I feel light headed.

Our lips separate and I go for his jawline. I leave soft kisses, making small sounds emerge from his throat. When I reach his ear, I press my lips to the skin behind it before leaning back. I keep his eyes on mine as I reach for the hem of my shirt. I swallow, lifting it over my head and dropping it on the floor. I’m not wearing a bra and I see him swallow. 

"Brin-" He cuts himself off and looks at a loss for words. I feel myself becoming self conscious. I’m not skinny. I’m not fat, but like any other girl, I am self conscious. I lift my hands to cover myself, but he shakes his head, reaching for my hands. His fingers lace with mine as they come to rest against my thighs. He leans forward, pressing a kiss to the sensitive skin between my breasts. I gasp quietly and he looks up into my eyes. 

He presses his lips back to my skin and trails kisses up my chest and to my neck. I reach for the buttons on his shirt and begin to undo them. I laugh a little, the place he is kissing on my neck is ticklish and I squirm. 

He pulls away smiling and helps me undo his shirt. Soon it is on the floor beside mine and I tangle both my arms around his neck and press myself to him completely. There are no barriers between our skin and I press my mouth to his once again. I feel his hands reach around to my back and slide up and under the long decent of my hair. 

"I need you," I whisper to him when we pull away to breath and I feel him push against me. I back up and one of his hands supports me as I remove myself from his lap and lay on my back. I watch him remove his pants. I admire him for a moment. The smooth white skin with dustings of light hair, the soft belly. His skin shows a hint of looseness from the weight he used to carry and I sit up as he pulls at his jeans. I kiss the skin beneath his belly button and I hear him laugh breathlessly. 

"Don’t do that or this might end before it even starts," He chuckles and I watch him crowd into me. I lay back again and lift my butt so that he can pull off my pants. He take my underwear with them and I swallow, trying to hide my emotions. I’m a big mix of them at the moment. Nervous, scared, anxious but also happy, overwhelmed and excited.

His body comes down over mine and he kisses me again briefly before working his way down over my neck and to my chest. I hold my breath and close my eyes and I feel him near my nipple. His lips press to my skin firmly before I feel his tongue. He takes me into his mouth and I make a small sound, my hands reaching up to tangle into his hair. I press into him and his free hand comes up to toy with my other breast. 

He plays with me for what seems like forever before I feel his hand leaves me and his mouth replace it. I feel his fingers trail down my abdomen and over my navel. My hips lift into his touch and I moan. 

"Patrick," I groan and he lifts his head and kisses me. "Please," I whisper and he pulls away. He leaves the bed and opens his suitcase that is sitting in the chair by the window. He goes through it and I make an attempt to catch my breath. 

He turns back to me, condom in hand and sheds himself of his boxers. I open my arms to him and he settles onto me. 

"I wanted to take my time," He chuckles lowly.

"I don’t want you to take your time," I say, cradling his face in my hands. He kisses me, spreading my legs wide and he is with me. I gasp, adjusting with him and I grind my pelvis into his, wanting him to move. Instead, he stays still and grips my head in both his hands. His elbows are resting on the mattress and keeping him above me and he kisses me deeply. 

He plays with my lips and tongue. I am lost in him. I begin to lift my hips against his, needing him to move. He is driving me utterly insane and with a soft laugh, he releases my mouth, braces his hands  on either side of my head and begins a rhythm. I reach my arms over my head and grip the bars of the headboard. 

"Oh my god," I gasp and he goes a bit faster. I feel the pressure building inside me and I close my eyes. He drops to his elbows again and continues with ease. Now his face is pressed into my neck and he is whispering me. 

I can barely hear him as I am consumed. I am soon completely blinded. The only thought I have is of him and I wrap both my arms around him and I kiss him. His lips move with mine and I am pushing into him, desperate to be as close as humanly possibly to him. I am overwhelmed. The feeling is making me breathless.

As I am coming down, I hear his breathing become labored and I lock his eyes with mine. 

"Patrick," I whisper and he says my name once before burrying his face in my hair. He freezes above me and I press my lips to his shoulder. 

He falls, spent on top of me. He is heavy, but I don’t mind it. I close my eyes and enjoy the feeling of having him with me. I lay under him, content and after a few minutes, he lifts his head to look down at me. 

I smile into his blue eyes and I notice a gold ring around his pupil. I watch them dance in the light. I watch his mouth part to take a deep breath, the small movement makes me want to kiss him. 

"Brin," He says and I reach up to press my lips to his. He kisses me back, but pulls away just as fast. His hands tangle in my hair and his forehead leans against mine. "I love you so much," He states and my heart drops. 


	12. Good Morning

_…_ "Brin," He says and I reach up to press my lips to his. He kisses me back, but pulls away just as fast. His hands tangle in my hair and his forehead leans against mine. "I love you so much," He states and my heart drops…

_"Are you fucking kidding me, Brin?" I look at the ground, trying not to cry. He’s pacing in front of me and my anxiety is forcing me to bite a hole into my lip. We’ve toured before, but this is our first official one where we will be gone for more than a month and I have dropped out of college. No one is really very happy with me at the moment. Steven, more so than others._

_"Steven, we can make this work. It’s only a little over 2 months. I’ll be in the midwest. We can call-"_

_"Like you called last time?" He growls at me. His brown eyes, usually soft, are stabbing into me and I look down._

_"I’m not good at this," I say._

_"Obviously," He rolls his eyes._

_"What do you want me to do? Say?" I ask, standing up, holding my arms out at my sides. "This is finally happening. Everything I’ve ever wanted is finally becoming reality!" I defend myself. J is in his room and I’m sure he can hear us._

_"You’re a year away from graduating! You cannot tell me this is not the most stupid thing you have ever done!" He says, walking up to me, crowding me._

_Intimidating me._

_"It’s my life," I say softly. I feel so small. "I’ve always wanted this. I love you, we can-"_

_"Oh, shut up," He snarls at me and backs up. "Stop with the love bull shit. You can drop out of school and live out of a van all you want. But you’re not going to be crying to me when this little adventure takes a shit on your parade," He finished, turning his back on me to grab his coat._

_"Steven-" I begin, attempting to lay a hand on his arm. Calm him down a little. Instead he stiffens and turns fully to me now. He towers over me and I swallow._

_He throws my hand off him and I hit it on the my bookshelf. A sharp pain runs through my bones and up my arm. Instinctively I hold it to my chest and try to back up._

_"You did this to yourself," He tells me._

_The door to my room opens then, and J walks in. Steven takes a step away from me, eyes my best friend and holds his hands up._

_"I think you’re done here," J says in a low, threatening voice. His shoulders are hunched a bit, hands balled into fists and stuck low in his pockets._

_"I’m just leaving," Steven says dryly, walking towards J and the door. J’s eyes flick to me and he sees me holding my hand and his brows lower even more._

_"What the fuck did you do?" His voice rises and I stiffen. Steven stiffens as well and he looks back at me._

_"Nothing," He states and J’s hand wraps around Steven’s bicep and for once, someone is towering over him._

_"Get the fuck out and never talk to her again, you hear me? I will end you, man. Don’t think I won’t," J states and Steven shakes him off, walking past him and out of the apartment._

I stare up into Patrick’s eyes and try my best to breath. I feel tears behind my eyes and I want to kick myself for being so weak, however, this is something I cannot deal with yet.

"Don’t do that," I whisper and I watch his beautiful eyes shadow over. I watch him mentally retreat and I realize this is the most vulnerable I have ever seen him. I want to take back my statement. I want to hold him. I want to see his soft eyes and content smile. 

"I’m sorry," I say and he looks away from me. I lightly push against his chest and he rolls off of me. I am panicking. I do stupid shit when I panic. 

"You want me to lie to you?" He asks quietly and I sit up, bringing my knees to my chest and running a hand through my hair. 

"It’s a strong word," I stress to him. He sits up and puts his back to me. I look out of the corner of my eye to see him pulling on his boxers. He reaches over to pick up the blanket that had fallen off the bed and he wraps it around my shoulders before sitting beside me. 

"If you’re not ready for it, you obviously don’t have to say it back," He tells me and I sigh. 

"I’m sorry," I say, wanting to tell him everything and nothing. 

"Don’t be sorry, Brin," He whispers and I can see him struggling beside me. His hand is in his hair and I want to hold him and run away at the same time. 

Without a word, I get up, reaching for my underwear. When I bend down for my shirt next, he makes a noise. 

"Don’t leave," He begs. I hear the desperation in his voice and my vision blurs. I don’t want to mess this up, but here I am. "Just because I said that, don’t let this ruin tonight for us. Please, I’m begging you," He finishes softly and I drop my shirt. 

"I’m sorry," I repeat myself and sit back down, my back facing him. I feel him shift behind me and his palm press to my back. "I’m really bad at this," I confess and he presses a gentle kiss to my shoulder. 

"Sleep with me. Let me hold you," He says and I turn to him. The look in his eyes reflects what he feels for me. 

Do I love him? I care a lot about him, but the last time I let myself admit to loving someone, he threw it in my face and made me choke on it. 

I swallow, raising my hand enough to touch his face. I lean into him and press my lips to his very softly and he lays back, bringing me with him. 

"Just let me hold you," He whispers and I lay my head on his chest. He wraps both arms around me and I close my eyes, focusing on his breathing and the steady beat of his heart. I embrace his warmth and relax, tangling one of my legs between his before I am able to drift. 

**~*~**

The sun is burning red through my eyelids when I awake. I fight it at first, but when I am reminded of his body pressed to mine when he makes a small snoring sound, I blink open my eyes. 

I shift my head to look at his face and smile softly. His expression is wiped content and I take a moment to enjoy him. I can see his eyelids twitching from a dream he may be experiencing and I chuckle. His mouth is open a bit and his breath is low. 

I remember last night and how I almost threw this away. How I almost ruined us. Because I can’t bring myself to believe that he’s real. 

I decide then, before he can even wake up and see me, that I’m putting that moment behind us. I’m not acknowledging it. I care about him. I care about him more than anyone I’ve ever thought I cared about. 

I stretch forward and peck his lips with mine. He doesn’t wake and I smile, shifting so that I am hovering over him. The curtain of my long red hair falls over my shoulder and beside his face. My hand raises to stroke his cheek and I kiss his nose. 

"Patrick," I whisper, kissing one of his eyelids. 

"Hm," He mumbles and I kiss his other one. When both of them open and look directly into mine, he smiles. 

"Good morning," I tell him and he stretches beneath me.

"Good morning," He tells me back and I frame his face with my hands.

"I would give you a really awesome, wet kiss right now but we both have morning breath," I say and he let’s out a booming laugh. 

"Then let’s go brush our teeth so I can kiss you," He says and pushes passed me.

"My toothbrush is down the hall," I whine from the bed after he is in the bathroom.

"The hotel gave me an extra one, hurry up!" He calls and I smile, pulling my shirt on and following him in.

"Why’d you put a shirt on?" He asks, mouth full of foam.

"Shut up," I laugh, putting toothpaste on the brush.

I watch him finish up and eye me and I laugh, spitting and rinsing. 

"You are way too excited for this," I tell him and he grabs my hand, leading me into the room and to the bed. 

"Rightfully so," He says, laying back in his spot and pulling me back on top of him. 

"Can we lay here all day?" I ask, holding him back. 

"We can lay here until Adrian comes looking for you," He tells me, grabbing my cheeks and pulling me in for a long kiss. 

"Mmm," I moan into his mouth and climb on his lap so that I am straddling him. "How long do you think?" I ask when he pulls away to kiss my neck. 

It is then that I hear a bang on his door and he sighs, falling back on the pillows. 

"Not long enough, obviously," He says and I smile, giving him a quick kiss before climbing off and finding my pants. 

**~*~**

"I KNEW IT!" Taylor yells on the bus. I blush, burying my face into my pillow. She interrogated me as soon as we took off and cornered me in my bunk. Patrick went to his own bus to work on some things with Andy.

"Shut up," I hiss at her, trying to hide my smile. 

"It’s about damn time, holy hell," She rolls her eyes. "Did you do it all night? Lord knows that man has a good 4 months of lust built up in that little body," She says and I blush, looking down.

"Not really," I say. 

"You didn’t do it all night?" She asks. 

"Even if we did I wouldn’t tell you!" I say and she smiles at me. 

"What happened?" She asks and my humor goes away immediately. 

"It was amazing," I say cautiously and she looks at me knowingly.

"But?" She inquires and I sigh. 

"He said he loved me," I mumble and she keeps a steady eye on me. 

"And?" She asks. 

"You know how I am with that word," I tell her. 

"You did not-?" She asks, astonished. When I don’t say anything she let’s out a long growl and falls back on my mattress. 

"I know!" I say. 

"I’m gonna punch you," She tells me and I laugh. 

"I wanted to punch myself," I agree and she sits up and pulls me in for a hug.

"You guys ok now though, right?" She asks and I nod. 

"Yeah. I’m pretty sure," I say and she nods, letting me rest against her. 

**.Patrick.**

"You good, man?" Andy asks me and I look up at him from my blank computer screen.

"Yeah," I say, and he shrugs. I look back at my screen and turn it on. It lights up and I glance out the window while it loads. 

Other than the love bit, last night was one of the best nights of my life. I had it planned in my head differently, but it happened and I can’t change anything. 

She retreated as soon as the words left my mouth and the only thought that came to my mind was:  _Who hurt her?_

She’s always been careful around me, but she panicked this time. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t hurt when she didn’t say it back, but I understand.

I think of the way she was this morning and I smile a little. The wall she has up is breaking. I just have to wait a bit. 

She’s worth it. 


	13. Bad Fan

_Do it_ He types and I glare at my computer screen and he gives me a knowing smile. We’re skyping. Since we don’t see each other enough already. 

**You do it** I type back and he let’s out a laugh that I can’t hear since he is muted. 

I can hear Taylor talking to Andy on the phone in the bunk above mine and it sounds like it’s getting sexual. He wants me to climb in the bunk with her and moan into the phone. 

"Brindley?" I hear Adrian outside the curtain of my bunk and I wink at Patrick and close my laptop. 

"Yeah?" I ask, pushing it aside and he is looking through some paperwork. 

"Looks like we’re gonna be flying out to LA after the show tonight for a few interviews and We Are Human was asked to perform on a radio show," He says, looking up at me. 

"But the tour…?" I wonder, confused. I mean, we can’t just not play a few dates. 

"You have 2 days between shows. You’ll make it in time," He says and raises his head and looks at me expectantly. 

"Okay?" I sigh and push my legs over the edge of my bunk. "How long till the venue?" I ask him, pulling my bag out from under my bunk.

"We’re almost there. Twenty minutes or so. Just get what you can and we’ll worry about packing on the way to the airport," He says and I nod, shoving some clothes into the bag and gathering a few necessities. 

"I have Vicodin for the plane ride if you want it," Taylor offers and I chuckle, straightening to stretch my back and look at her at the same time. 

"I have some sleep aid, so I should be good," I say and she hops down from her own bunk. 

"Two whole days!!!" She sighs dramatically. "What will you do?!" She complains, knowingly. 

"Shut the fuck up," I laugh, shoving her face from mine and taking myself and my bag to the front of the bus. 

"Adrian!!! Just leave me be!" J whines and Adrian rolls his eyes and sighs. 

"You’re gonna be pissed when you forget something!" Adrian says, walking passed me to the bunks again and I smile at J’s lump of a body that is sprawled on the couch. 

"You better get hyped soon, we’re almost at the venue!" I sing and he grunts. I drop my bag on the floor and sit on him. 

"Must you sit on me?" He growls and I smile. 

"Get up, my darling!" I sing and he pushes me to the floor and I sigh, texting Patrick that I put away my laptop for packing and I’d see him when we park. 

We’re somewhere in Florida at the moment and when I hop off the bus, my hair knows it. I pull the mass of it into a bun, walking into the air conditioned venue and find Patrick sitting on the couch in the dressing room. 

"Hey!" He smiles and I smile back, setting my purse down and sitting beside him. 

"We gotta go to LA tonight," I pout and his eyebrows draw down.

"Why?" He asks. 

"Interviews and performance or something. We’ll fly back in 2 days," I tell him and he sighs, laying his head on my own. 

"You good flying?" He asks and I shrug.

"Gonna have to be," I laugh and watch as everyone files into the room. He keeps me close and continues talking anyway. 

"Should I go with you?" He asks, concerned and I bite my lip. He’s so sweet all the time. He cares so much, it’s almost overwhelming. 

"I mean, I’d love for you to come, but it’s super last minute and it’d look weird?" I say and he looks down. 

"I guess," He says. "Ever think about not keeping us a secret? We don’t have to announce anything, but we could just not care if people saw," He says quietly. 

"I’m not sure I want people invading this aspect of my life yet," I say after a moment and he sighs, nodding. 

"But they’re gonna know eventually. All I’m saying is why should we have to hide ourselves?" He sounds frustrated and I sit up and away from him.

"I said I’m not ready," I say and he doesn’t respond. I watch J and Andy attempt a battle on their drum practice pads while Joe and Pete cheer from the side. They all seem so engrossed with one another and I almost stand to join them when I feel Patrick’s hand slip into mine and he gets up, bringing me with him. 

"Come with me," He says and drags me from the room. We pass Alicia and Taylor on the way out of the building and Taylor gives me raised eyebrows. 

The halls seem endless but we find the exit eventually and I gasp when we are met with the long line of fans. They all cheer and he ducks his head, lifting a hand to wave and takes a sharp left towards the bus. We pass mine and Pete’s bus before turning yet again, away from the line and to his bus. He opens the door and has me climb on first. I turn to him once I’m up the steps for an explanation but instead he grabs my face and crushes his lips to mine. 

I moan, grabbing for his arm as he pushes me backwards. We haven’t really had time to be alone since the hotel and it’s been a few weeks since then. Someone is always with us, either on the bus or in the venue. 

I press myself to him and bring him as close to me as physically possible. I feel my back hit the wall and I reach for his shirt, pulling it over his head and knocking his fedora off in the process. 

"Brin," He groans and pulls his face away from mine. I open my eyes in confusion and his eyes are closed, breathing heavy. 

"What’s wrong?" I ask, laying my palm on his cheek. His eyes open and he cracks a small smile for me. I give him one back and he sighs. 

"I brought you here to talk and I just wanted to kiss you so bad," He whispers and I laugh, kissing the corner of his mouth. 

"It’s ok," I tell him. 

"I want the world to know that I’m yours," He says simply and I swallow heavily. 

"You talk so much," I laugh and the seriousness calms a bit on his features. "Kiss me," I whisper and he does. 

I lead us into the back of the bus, passed the bunks and into the extra room that the Fall Out Boy bus gets. I push him down onto the couch and climb into his lap before taking his face in my hands and kissing him deeply. My hands slide into his soft hair and I feel his throat vibrate with a moan. I pull away just enough to run my lips along his jawline and I feel his hands grip my hips. I allow him to pull them down as much as possible before getting up to pull them all the way off with my underwear. My shirt follows.

He quickly rids of himself of his pants and I climb back onto him. 

"Wait," He says and I pause. He blinks and sighs. "Sorry, I’m just so worked up and then you’re gonna be gone for the weekend and I feel like we’ve been together for months and all of a sudden you’re just leaving and it’s freaking me out," He says and I laugh softly, pressing my lips to his. 

"I’ll call you. Like, every hour," I tell him and he laughs, turning his face into my neck and breathing in. 

"I know it freaks you out for me to mention it but I just love you. It scares me sometimes," He says and I nod. 

"I know," I say and press my lips to his once again before finally lowering myself onto him.

**~*~**

"Why is the plane the size of a mini van?" I ask quietly, staring at the poor excuse of an aircraft. The busses stopped off at the airport and they’re shoving me onto this thing. 

"It’ll be fine!" Adrian smiles, taking my bags from me and carrying them onto the flying van and I shove a few sleep aids into my mouth and down some water. 

"It’s gonna be ok," I hear Patrick from behind me and I sigh as his arm circles around my waist and he hugs me from behind. 

"I know, I just don’t like it," I say and watch J, Taylor, and Alicia climb up the steps to it. 

"Brindley!" Adrian yells out for me and I feel like I’m going to cry. 

"Hey," Patrick coos and turns me to him. He kisses my forehead quickly and looks into my eyes. "You’re gonna be fine. Just call me when you land. You just took your pills so you’ll be out the entire time. Try not to think about it," He says, smoothing my hair back and I nod, holding back my terrified tears. He leans into me and presses his lips to mine. 

"Brin!" Adrian calls again and I snap away with a small cry. 

"Fuck!" I grunt in frustration and I see Pete, Andy and Joe behind Patrick looking sympathetic. 

"Hey, I love you, ok?" He says and I stop short for a moment, still not used to that word. 

"Ok," I say quietly and he kisses me one last time before I reluctantly board the aircraft. 

It vibrates violently under me and as we take off down the runway, I watch Patrick become so small until soon, I can’t see him anymore. 

~*~

The first few interviews were very quick. One was on a TV music station and the other was just a radio in LA. We’re at our final one now and we already did an acoustic session.

"So the tour is coming to a close soon!" The interviewer, Jane, announces and I laugh awkwardly beside my bandmates and nod. 

"How long have you been on the road now? A few months?" She asks. 

"We’re entering our 3rd month. At the end of the month we’ll be done," J says. 

"For now," I speak up.

"Now, Alicia. You’ve toured with them before. Are you officially becoming a permanent piece of this duo?" Jane asks and I smile widely at Alicia. 

"I guess?" She laughs and I nod, throwing an arm around her. 

"We’re now a trio," I smile and the crowd in the studio cheers. 

"That’s great! So you’ve been touring alongside Fall Out Boy and you also did a song with Patrick Stump. How’d that go?" She asks. 

"Great. He’s a brilliant musician. It was an honor to write with him," I say and Jane lifts her brows. 

"You and the band have become pretty good friends then?" She inquires and we all nod. 

"They’re great dudes," J says. 

"There’s rumors going around that there might be something between you and Stump. Want to approach that subject?" Jane asks and I freeze. 

"No, you got it wrong. It’s me and Wentz. Dude’s got a nice ass," J speaks up and the audience laughs. 

"That’s great!" Jane laughs, going along with it and the interview closes. 

J walks beside me on the way out of the studio. He doesn’t look at me and I silently link our arms. 

"Thanks," I say and he smiles down at me. 

"Love you, Brin," He says happily and I laugh softly. 

"Love you, too," I say and I hear yelling behind us. At first I don’t acknowledge it, but the commotion gets a bit loud and I hear my name. When I turn, I see a crowd of fans and a girl with short hair and heavy eye make up on. She looks angry and the guards are holding back the crowd and her. The rest of them look happy, but she looks violent. 

"Should we sign for a bit?" I ask and J shrugs. 

"That one looks a little iffy," He says and Adrian says it’s ok so we turn to the fans. The violent one calms a bit and waits. I take some pictures and sign some things before turning to her. 

"Hi!" I smile and she glares at me calmly. 

"You’re a fucking slut," She says and lifts her hand up that is clutching a bottle of water and goes to throw it at me from a foot away. I flinch, but the guard catches her before she can let the bottle go. 

She is screaming as they carry her out and I just stand there, a hand clutched at my throat and try to get a grip on what just happened. 

J puts his hands on my arms and pulls me away from the crowd. I don’t realize that I’m crying until we’re in the car. 

"Are you ok?!" Taylor screams at me and I look up at her. 

"I don’t know what just happened," I say calmly.

"Jealous bitch," J growls and pulls me into his chest and I just lean against him. 

"Don’t tell Patrick," I say quietly, pulling away, now panicking a bit. "Please don’t tell him. He’ll be so upset. Don’t say anything!" I say to Adrian, Taylor, J and Alicia.

"Um," Taylor bites her lip and I look at her desperately.

"What?!" I cry. 

"I already texted Andy. He probably-"

As if on queue, my phone begins to ring and I groan. 

"Fuck, fuck, fuck!" I say, seeing it is indeed Patrick. 

"Why don’t you want him to know?" J asks. 

"He’ll freak and feel super guilty and he’s been pushing to go public and now he probably feels like shit," I say, running a hand through my hair as it slips to my voicemail. 

"Well he’s probably panicking more with you ignoring his calls," J says. 

"I can’t right now. I just- fuck!" I say, covering my face. 

"Are you ok?" Taylor asks and puts a hand on my leg. We’re heading to the airport now and that just adds a whole bunch of fucking rainbows to my day. "Considering you almost got nailed with a water bottle."

"Thanks," I growl and she shrugs. 

"Seriously," Alicia says and I drop my hands. 

"Call Patrick," J orders me and I shake my head. 

"I’ll call him at the airport," I say. 

Unfortunately, the airport is about an hour away and I have about 10 missed calls by the time we get there. 

He’s probably pissed by now. That was my first bad run in with a fan of any sort and it scared the hell out of me. 

Before we board, I call him and he picks up on the first ring. 

"Why the hell are you ignoring me?" He asks and I snap my mouth closed. 

"I’m sorry," I say, feeling small. I’ve never heard him like this. 

"Do you know how worried I’ve been? I have to hear from Andy that you almost got hit by a fan who called you a slut? You are thousands of miles from me right now and all I can do is call you and you don’t fucking answer?" He is borderline yelling and I close my eyes. 

"Told you," J says, walking passed me to board and I glare. 

"I know, I’m sorry!" I stress. "It scared the shit out of me, ok? I was freaking out!" I defend myself. 

"And your first instinct is to push me away?" He yells this time. Yes, that was definitely a yell. 

"I wasn’t pushing you away," I say quietly. "Please, stop yelling."

He doesn’t respond at first. I can hear him trying to get a handle on his breathing. I feel like shit. 

"I’m sorry for yelling. Are you hurt?" He asks, his voice on edge. 

"I’m fine," I say and he makes a noise. "We’re boarding now," I say. 

"I’ll see you when you get in," He says. 

"Ok," I say. "I’m sorry," I repeat, but he hangs up too fast to hear it. 


	14. The Incident

For once I dread landing. I’m afraid of seeing him and I wish I didn’t feel this way. I want him to be happy to see me, but I know he’s livid. I keep things from him. I always do, but I can’t help it. 

I see the airport out of my window and notice the buses are already lined up for us near the runway. The guys are outside playing hackey sack, minus the one man I want. J is beside me and sees me pout a little so he takes my hand.

"He was just worried, Brin," He says and I nod. 

"I know. I can’t blame him for anything," I sigh and he nods. 

"You really shouldn’t have ignored him," He says. 

"I know," I growl. "You think I don’t understand that? It’s just my instinct to push and push and I know I shouldn’t, but I do it anyway," I groan, pushing my palms into my eyes as we descend to the runway.

"What reason has he given you that you can’t trust him?" He asks and I glare at him. 

"None. It’s just Steven-"

"Exactly. Steven fucked you up. Steven wanted to hurt you. Why are you still letting him?" He asks and I stare at him. 

"It’s hard," I whisper. 

"I know, hun," He says, pulling me into his side and laying his cheek on my head. "I know. But don’t let that asshole come between what you and that short kid have together," He says and I nod. 

"I know," I say and I see Taylor watching us. She gives me a reassuring smile and I smile back at her. 

Pete gives me a sympathetic smile when we are on the ground and I frown. He’s probably been hearing about it the entire day.

"Is he in his bunk?" I ask and he nods. 

"He was just really worried, Brin. You scared the fuck out of him. He doesn’t lose it very often," He says and rests a hand on my shoulder. 

"I know," I sigh. "You think I could go see him? I mean, I know he’s mad, but I really want to see him," I say and Pete shrugs. 

"Definitely. He’d probably like to see you in one piece. We’re leaving in 10 so we’ll keep Andy off till we head out," He laughs and I nod. 

"Thanks, Pete," I say and approach the bus. I bite my lip for the billionth time and taste blood this time. I open the door and step on. 

I expect him to be in his bunk, but when I climb the steps, he’s sitting on the couch in the common area. I freeze and study him. One of his feet is propped on his opposite leg and he is playing with a piece of string on his jeans. He isn’t looking at me; just at the string, as if it is the most interesting thing in the world. 

I open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. After a moment, I take a step towards him, but he speaks when I do. 

"What do you want from me?" He asks. My brows narrow down in confusion and he still doesn’t look at me. 

"What-?" I ask. 

"Do you want to be in this relationship? Do you want me, Brin?" He asks flatly and finally looks up at me. He lowers his foot to the ground and leans his elbows on his knees. 

"Of course," I say, almost defensively. 

"Why can’t you trust me? Why do you keep things from me?" He asks and I try to talk, but nothing comes out. I feel tears stinging the backs of my eyes and I just want him to hold me. 

"I-" My voice breaks and I sigh, crossing my arms and biting my lip again. 

"Just tell me," He says so softly I almost miss it. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. Now or never.

"I was in a relationship. Only one. Ever," I laugh pathetically. He stays silent and listens. "I was really naive. I still am. I had him on a fucking golden pedestal. I was in school, he was in school. My parents loved him, his parents loved me. We were together for almost five years," I take a breath and wipe away a stray tear. "I was a semester or two away from graduating college when J and I got signed to a major label. Everything before that moment hadn’t been a big deal. When it happened, I dropped my classes and planned to focus on the music. He… hurt me," I say sadly. 

I tell him how Steven broke it off. How he threw my love in my face and almost broke my hand by carelessness. I tell him how J stayed with me that night and let me cry. I tell him all the songs that came of it and how broken I felt. I tell him everything. Why I’m afraid. Why I’m so insecure. 

When I stop talking, I let my tears completely fall and I look everywhere but him. 

"Brin," He whispers and I push my palms into my eyes.

"I care about you. I care about you so much, but every time I try to be open with you, I clam up. I want to share everything with you but I’m so god damn scared," My voice cracks multiple times through my statement and I let a small sob escape my lips. I still have my palms over my eyes when I feel his arms around me and I sigh into his embrace. I rest my head on his shoulder and let him hold me. I let my tears stain his shirt and I cling to him.

"I’m sorry," He tells me softly and I shake my head. 

"You shouldn’t be sorry. I should be sorry. I’m the one that is being so fucking difficult-"

"No. Stop. I keep pushing and pushing and it’s not fair to you. I just want us to be honest with each other and it frustrates me that you couldn’t trust me. When I wasn’t the one person you called when a fan almost hurt you, I saw red. I’m so sorry," He says into my hair and I clutch him to me tightly. "No more keeping secrets," He whispers and I nod. 

"Ok," I say and pull away a little. He presses his lips to mine, but pulls away quickly when Andy knocks and hops up the steps. 

"Everything good?" He smiles and I laugh, wiping at my tears. 

"Yeah, thanks for waiting," I tell him and he nods at me, kissing my forehead and heading to the back of the bus. 

"I’ll see you at the show," Patrick says and I nod, turning my back on him to leave. 

"She would so do it!" I hear J yell and I frown. "I’ll bet you a hundred bucks she does it! She’s more fearless than you think!" He continues and I sigh. What is he betting I can do this time. 

"She’s afraid of heights!" Pete exclaims when I round the bus and raise an eyebrow. 

"Oh hey fancy pants," J smiles and I cross my arms. 

"What am I brave enough to do?" I ask and Pete grins wickedly at me. 

"Ever stage dive?" He asks.

**~*~**

"Why did you make that bet!" I yell at J in the hall. "You know I’m a fucking pussy!" 

"Oh come on! It won’t be that bad!" He says and I glare, wiping my sweaty face with a towel. We just ended our set and Fall Out Boy is on in 5. I’m coming out to jump during Saturday. 

"You guys are so mean," I pout pathetically and Pete walks out of the dressing room, giving me a goofy smile. I shove my middle finger up his nose and he spazzes a little, swatting at me. 

"Don’t be bitter! Just have fun!" He says and I roll my eyes as Joe shoves him forward to get on stage. 

Andy follows and Patrick comes out last. He smiles at me softly and gives me a thumbs up. 

"Have fun!" He says and I shrug, watching him hustle to the stage.

J and I watch from the side most of the set. I’m a big ball of nerves and I feel like I’m going to throw up.

"I have a really, really bad feeling, J," I say to him when they start their last song. 

"Just do it! They’ll catch you!" J screams over the roar of the music and the crowd.

"Are you sure?!" I yell back, looking worriedly back onto the stage, making eye contact with Joe. He smiles at me, jerking his head towards the crowd in a signal for me to go. 

"Just jump! I’ll never hear the end of it," He laughs at me and shoves me onto the stage. The crowd roars and I smile, waving a little. Joe is behind me, nudging me forward and I laugh nervously, backing up a few steps. 

Patrick is giving all that he has into the mic and his eyes are closed. For a split second, I let myself take in the man at the front. The boy with the fedora. His short, skinny legs bouncing along to the beat and the guitar moving back and forth with him. The emotion he puts into his music and his performance makes my breath catch. I admire him so much and yet all I do is push him away. I watch him perform and I can see the beats flow through him, consume him and I feel a warmth grow from deep in my chest. 

I want him. I care for him. He is my best friend.

He is my everything. I go to bed every night with the image of his eyes burned into my eyelids. I wake up, imagining he is beside me in my tiny, cramped bunk and I know he is thinking of me, too. I crave his skin when we are apart and I feel a need until we are together. Even if it is just being beside each other, I need him. 

My thoughts are interrupted when there’s a break in the vocals and he turns to me abruptly. He gives me that heart breakingly large, happy smile, eyes glittering in the show’s lights. Joe pushes me once again and I throw caution to the wind. My feet push off the ground in a sprint and I jump as far as I can when I reach the edge of the stage. 

For a moment I am free. I am flying. I hear everything and nothing at the same time and I have never felt so light. I land on hands and arms. They lift me, move me. I close my eyes, screaming the words that Pete has lived. My arms are raised and I feel infinite. 

_This may be the best moment of my life_ , I think to myself.

Almost abruptly, however, I feel hands. They are not like the others that are supporting me and moving me, but hands that are clutching and my hair is being pulled so hard that they feel as if they are bing ripped from the roots. I feel an instant of panic as I am being hauled down to the floor by two other pairs of hands. I open my eyes wide enough to see the masses of feet and legs coming down on me. 

"NO! STOP!" The words hit my ears in an echo. The cry is desperate and crazed. It is the last thing I am able to comprehend before everything is gone. 

**.Patrick.**

"She’s gonna do it!" Pete yells at me from his side of the stage and I whip around when I can catch a breath. I find her eyes are already on me and she looks so small, but strong.

I know what she was doing when she avoided me. She feels the need to keep her wall between us. She’s scared. I understand and in that moment, I know I need to be there for her when she wishes me to be there. She needs to grow and adjust into this insane life and I should be the one to make it as easy as possible.  

After what she told me about Steven, I just feel so protective now. I know why she has her wall and I feel so relieved at the fact that she told me.

I smile big into her eyes and she relaxes under my gaze. She is so amazing and brave. She straightens her shoulders and smiles widely before taking off towards the crowd. 

I watch her soar. She is floating when I begin singing again. I keep my eyes on her and I almost laugh. Her head is thrown back in pure ecstasy and she is singing along to the words I am feeding her. 

Pete knocks into my side and I break my gaze from her to look at him. He is giving me a very knowing look and winks at me under a grin. He knows me so well, my best friend. I’ve never felt this way before an he sees it. I am completely lost in her. 

I watch him laugh a little, making a face, but almost too soon, his eyes dart back into the crowd and his face drops. 

The feeling in my gut is almost enough to make me throw up. Before I even see what is happening, I almost don’t want to expose my vision with it. 

"NO, STOP!" I scream when my eyes lock on her disappearing form and the grind of music stopping makes my ears sting. I move faster than anyone can and my guitar is hitting the ground violently as I run towards the edge of the stage, ready to jump in after her. It looks as if the crowd is folding in on her as she goes down and the bile in my throat is choking me. I feel desperate and tears are stinging against the backs of my eyes. 

"You’ll only make it worse!" Joe grips my arm hard and pulls me back onto the stage and away from her. I am blinded by my terror and almost turn my fist on him.

"They’re going to kill her!" I scream back at him in a desperate plea to let me go. When he doesn’t give, I rip away from him, however Pete tackles me from the front when I turn to jump and I am on the ground, struggling to get up and find her. 

I need to touch her. I need to know she is ok. I need her to be ok. 

My vision is blurry and everything is moving fast. I am being pinned down to the ground. My body has a movement of it’s own. There is a dull roar in my ears and it is as if I am on autopilot. The only thing I am able to do is find her. 

Pete is screaming at me to calm, but I don’t hear him. I hear her name is being screamed over and over again. It takes me a moment to realize I am the one doing it. I look up, tears streaming down my face and stretch my neck, looking for any sign that she is ok. My body is straining against Pete’s and he is having a hard time holding me. 

I catch Joe’s eyes and he looks at me desperately. He shakes his head before looking back up. 

"Please, let me up!" I cry and Pete is apologizing over and over again. "PLEASE!"

I can hear the guards barking at the crowd to back up and almost immediately the weight is lifted. I jump to my feet and get ready to dive when I see a security guard coming towards the stage with a limp body in his arms. I shove away from Pete and scramble to her. Before another guard can touch her, I have her in my grasp and I am carrying her backstage myself. 

I find that I am crying and it is hard to see her through the haze. I clutch her soft body to mine and I eventually find a couch in our dressing room. I know the guys are behind us. I know J is with them as well as Adrian, a few security guards. I hear someone on the phone with medical help, but I ignore them. 

I wipe the tears from my face and when I am able to see her, I move her hair from her eyes. There is a bruise forming over her forehead and cheek and I cringe at the violence that builds in my chest. It’s a foreign feeling and it scares me. I’m a calm person. I am hardly ever violent. I shy away from all of it. Pete and Joe were always the hard ones; the violent ones. The feeling is so fresh and real that I am shaking. She is laying here, eyes closed with bruises and I want to kill. There is a red filter over everything. 

"Did we see who did it?" I ask through clenched teeth. 

"No, they’re still looking though," Pete answers and I clutch her hand. Someone hands me a cold rag over my shoulder and I wipe at the soft skin of her cheek. "Come on, baby. Open your eyes," I say softly, squeezing her hand.

"Patrick-" Andy starts but the look I give him only shuts him up. 

I lean over her and kiss her forehead, squeezing my eyes shut. 

"Please," I plead to her and I feel the tears rise again. 

"The ambulance is coming," Pete says from behind me. His hand is on my shoulder. I know it’s to comfort me. The man is my brother and he knows me. But the me that is looking at Brin at this moment is not the man he knows. I don’t even know this me.

"Brindley," I say, angry now. I just want her to open her fucking eyes. 

"Patrick," I hear J behind me and I take in a breath, sitting back on my heals. "Back up. I know you want to help her, but she needs to breath and the paramedics need to get to her," He tells me and I wipe my hand violently across my eyes to rid me of my tears and I feel hands helping me up.

"I’m so sorry, man," Pete tells me softly and I don’t say anything back. I just watch her.

I follow the paramedics outside with her and they let me ride along . I keep her hand in mine the entire way.


	15. Darling, You're In Denial

**.Jonas.**

As I walk through the doors of the ER with everyone, I see Patrick sitting in a chair with his head in his hands. I’m assuming they wouldn’t let him back since it’s so late at night and he isn’t family. I feel for the dude. I saw exactly what he saw and that was hundreds of bodies caving in on a small girl. 

I watch Taylor run ahead of us and Patrick stands to catch her. He buries his face in her shoulder and I can tell he’s having a hard time keeping it together. 

"I’m so sorry, man," Pete says softly when we reach him and he nods. 

"They wouldn’t let me back. She’s all fucking alone back there and they won’t even let me see her," He says desperately and I nod. 

"Hang on," I say and walk passed him. I get my wallet out with her information on it.

"Hello," The receptionist says to me and I give her a sad smile. 

"Hi," I greet her. "Brindley Reed was just taken back a little while ago. I’m her step brother. I have her insurance information and everything. I know it’s late, but is there a way I can see her? Make sure she’s good?" I ask and she looks hesitant. 

"I’ll have to call back and see how everything is going. I’m not sure if they have her in surgery or not, but just give me a minute," She says assuringly and I nod. She picks up her phone and dials some numbers and I sigh, turning to watch Patrick asking and answering questions. 

"Sir?" She asks from behind me and I turn to her expectant. "They just moved her to a room. She isn’t conscious yet, but they said she should be up in a bit. You can go back."

"Can I take someone with me?" I ask and she shakes her head.

"Until she wakes up, just family. Shouldn’t be long though. I’ll let them know when they can head back, too," She says.

"Alright, thanks," I say and she hands me a card with the room number written on it. I turn to everyone and explain what’s going on. 

"At least she’ll have someone back there she knows," Patrick sighs and I nod. 

"I’ll talk to the doctor. See if we can get you back there with her permission," I say, backing up to go to her.

"Thanks," He says and I nod, turning to walk through the doors. 

When I find her room, she’s unconscious. Bruises are forming over her face and chest and I want to kill.

This girl is my little sister. She’s my best friend. It’s my fault she’s in this state and my violent intentions turn on myself. 

"Brin," I sigh, taking the seat beside her bed and gripping her hand.

She’s warm at least. I frown and the vision of her disappearing in the bodies punches me in the gut. 

"Brin," I say brokenly. "I’m so sorry. I’m so fucking sorry," I say desperately and lace her fingers with mine. I lean my forehead against the back of her hand and cringe at the stinging behind my eyes. 

"Oh, hello," I hear at the door and I sit up straight. The doctor gives me a short smile and goes to check the monitor. 

"J?" I hear and I look at her fast. She looks tired and weak, but her eyes are opening. 

"Brin," I say softly, aware of everything. "Hun, do you need anything? Are you feeling okay?" I ask quickly and she squeezes her eyes shut. 

"She’s going to be fine," The doctor says and I look up at her. She looks grim and I wonder what she’s writing. 

"But?" I ask and Brin opens her eyes again and looks at her. 

"Well, you have a few bruised ribs. Some bumps all over," She says and pulls her clipboard to her chest. "I’m afraid you’ve miscarried," She reveals and my eyes dart to Brin. "I’m so sorry. You weren’t very far along. About 5 weeks or so from what we can tell right now. You’ll have some bleeding for the next few days, no worse than period flow," She says and Brin’s expression doesn’t change. She just looks at her hands and I wonder what is going through her head. 

"We’ll have you on some meds, but you should be fine in the next few days. There’s no serious damage so you should be fine to get pregnant again. Is there anyone I can call for you?" She asks her and I watch her stay blank. She has absolutely no reaction and I want to shake her. 

"Her-" I start and look back at the doctor. "Her boyfriend. He’s in the lobby. He- He’s been trying to get back here but they wouldn’t let him," I say.

"Alright, I’ll call down to the lobby and let them know to send him up," She says and leaves the room. 

Silence follows and I stand up to walk to the window. She’s fucking catatonic at this point and I want to yell. She checked out and won’t even look up. 

"Brin," I say, frustrated and she says nothing. "Brindley!" I say more urgently and turn to her. She doesn’t say anything and I walk to her, sitting beside her on the bed and grab her face. 

"What?" She says flatly and I sigh, knowing she’s torn up inside and I just bring her body to mine as softly as I can and hug her. 

"I’m so sorry," I say to her and she doesn’t respond. I let her go and stand again, going back to the window. This is my fault. If I hadn’t made that fucking bet, none of this would have happened. She would be sleeping in her bunk right now and-

She was fucking pregnant. She was _pregnant_. 

Jesus, she had a living human being in her body. Patrick-

I run a hand through my hair. Patrick. Jesus, he’s going to be devastated. 

"Hey," I hear from the door and I turn to see him. He looks a little more relieved than he was in the lobby and I watch him rush to the seat I had been sitting in. Brin gives him a hint of a smile and he grabs her head and kisses her. I avert my eyes, turning my back again to give them space and wonder if I should leave while she tells him. 

"I’m fine," She says to him and I narrow my eyes. "Just a couple bruised ribs and things," She says and I realize she isn’t going to tell him. 

"I thought I lost you," He says to her and I want to punch the wall. 

"I’m going to go to the lobby. Tell everyone you’re fine," I say coldly and Patrick looks at me questioningly as I make my way out of the room as fast as I can before I scream at her to tell him the fucking truth. 

**.Patrick.**

"Do you want me to get you anything?" I ask her softly once J is gone. She shakes her head and reaches for my hand. 

"Just stay with me," She whispers and I nod, lacing our fingers. 

"Brin, I-"

"It’s okay," She says and I bite my lower lip. I almost lost her. I know I did. Somebody grabbed her and pulled her under the masses and I saw her disappear. She was under dozens of heavy feet and bodies and the results of it show all over her face and chest. The blue pops hard against her paleness and I swallow the lump that has formed in my throat. I want to talk. I want to fill this heavy silence with anything but she won’t let me get a word out. I sigh and she sinks down into her pillows. 

"I’m tired," She says and I nod. "Will you come up here with me?" She asks and I watch her scoot a bit to the left of the bed for me. I stand, easing on top of the covers and wrapping my arms around her. She leans into me and rests her head onto my chest and I kiss her hair. 

"Is this okay?" I ask softly and she nods. She’s warm and I squeeze her gently, careful not to hurt her. 

"Can you sing to me?" She asks and I am confused at first. She never asks me to sing. "I usually have my iPod, but I don’t have it here," she says.

"What do you want me to sing?" I ask her.

"Anything," She says and I settle into the pillows with her. I start to sing Life On Mars by David Bowie and I feel her relax on me. Something isn’t right. She isn’t normal and J confirmed my suspicions when he walked out in a rush. 

She falls asleep by the time I finish the song and I lay my head back, trying to rest my mind as well. 


	16. Why Are You Hiding

**.Taylor.**

"Ok, so are you feeling up to continuing the tour? The doctor says you’re good to be released tonight, but we need to be sure you can perform," Adrian asks softly and I look from him to Brin and frown. 

"I’m fine," She says simply. She doesn’t look fine. She looks awful. Her hair is flat and her skin is pale. I mean, she’s always pale, but instead of porcelain, she is more ashen than anything. Everyone knows something happened but it seems she’s refusing to talk about it. She’s not even acknowledging it. The doctor is keeping it low key as well. 

"Are you sure? I mean, we can take a few dates off. They can get another band-"

"I want to play," She says more sternly and I see her normal stubbornness reemerge. At least there’s that. 

"Fine," Adrian says, defeated. "I’m gonna go call Bill," He says and he leaves, frustrated. 

We settle back into silence and I wonder if I should press her while Patrick isn’t here. He left to shower and get some normal food. He hasn’t left her side since she got here. 

"Hey," I begin before I lose my courage. "Do you want to, you know, talk about anything?" I ask softly and she lifts her big eyes to me and I see sadness. She hasn’t revealed much, but it must be bad if I can see it in one look. 

"I’m fine, Taylor," She says and reaches for her phone. "I’m ready to get out of this bed," She says and I sigh, knowing she isn’t going to talk to me. I know it seems childish, but I almost feel a little hurt for the fact that she won’t share her feelings with me. We’re best friends. We know everything about each other. What is so bad that she feels like she can’t share it with me. 

"I’m just worried about you," I say gently and look at my hands. 

"I just got a few bruised ribs. Seriously, I’m good. I just can’t move very well," She says and runs a hand through her hair. "Could you go get me some hot water for my tea, though?" She asks me and I look at her a moment before nodding and heading to the vending machine down the hall. 

I wait for the machine to fill the cup up and I see J sitting in one of the waiting room’s chairs. 

"What are you doing?" I ask him and his head whips up. He frowns and shakes his head. 

"I can’t even look at her right now," He says.

"What? Why? Why haven’t you gone to see her since she was brought in?" I ask, confused now. Does he know something?

I watch him battle himself a moment before he sighs heavily and gets up, walking towards me. 

"Let’s go outside," He says and my eyebrows lower in concern as he takes me by the arm and drags me out the doors. 

"What’s going on, J?" I almost yell and he turns to me, running both hands through his hair and he closes his eyes. 

"She had a fucking miscarriage," He says. 

"What?!" I am yelling now and he takes the cup of hot water from me so that I don’t drop it. 

"She wasn’t very far along but she had one. And she isn’t telling anyone. Not even Patrick," He says and I grasp for something to hang on to.

"Why is she hiding?" I ask, frustrated. "Why does she feel the need to keep everything from everyone all the fucking time?" I want to go to her and shake her and yell at her.

"She’s protecting everyone," He says and I look at him like he’s crazy. 

"What?" I ask. 

"She’s protecting everyone from the pain she’s feeling. She doesn’t want to burden anyone so she’s keeping quiet. She’s done this ever since we’ve known her, Taylor," He says and I shake my head. 

"This is too big. She has to tell Patrick," I say desperately. 

"That’s why I’m not going in that room. Because seeing her lie is making me so fucking mad that I will say it before she can," He shrugs and I shake my head. 

"Great," I mumble and take the cup of hot water from him. 

"Yeah, I’m probably gonna strangle her by the end of the week," He says and I nod. 

"Poor Brin, though," I sigh and he relaxes in front of me. He’s hurting, too. His best friend is experiencing one of the worst things possible and he can’t do anything about it. Just watch her steep in her own hurt. 

"I just wish she’d let it out. It’s not healthy for her to keep it in," He bites his lip and I pull him in for a hug. 

"They’re letting her out tonight. Help me pack her up?" I ask softly and he nods. 

"Fine," He says and I give him a soft smile before turning back to the doors. 

She is out of bed when we get to her room and gathering her clothes into her backpack. 

"Hey, sorry, I found J," I say, handing her the cup of water. She nods, taking it to the side table and putting a tea bag in it. It’s silent and I look over to see J struggling. He rubs the back of his neck and opens his mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. 

"J told me," I say flatly and I watch her back stiffen. 

"Taylor!" J yells, but I keep my eyes on her back. 

"Brin, you can’t do this to yourself. You can’t do this to Patri-" I begin, but she turns to me abruptly and my lips clamp shut. She looks torn up. He eyes are blazing and her mouth is shaking. She’s doing everything she can to keep it down. 

"Shut up," She says. "This has nothing to do with either of you. Just shut up!" She is shaking and wipes a hand over her face. 

"Brin, we’re your best friends. We just want to help," I try to reason, but she ignores me and turns to J.

"Thanks for telling her!" She says, anger dripping from every word. "I thought you had enough sense to not say what isn’t yours to tell, but apparently not."

"Brin," He says softly and tries to reach for her. 

"No!" She yells and backs away. "You guys have no idea how I’m feeling right now! No fucking clue! Don’t try to comfort me. Don’t try to get me to talk about it because I’m not going to. And don’t you fucking dare tell Patrick," Her voice breaks on his name I watch her struggle for leverage. Her eyes are wide, mouth quivering. She looks insane. She looks lost. 

"He needs to know. He needs to grieve with you," I say quietly. 

"No. He doesn’t," She says and turns away from us again to get back to packing. 

I wipe at the tear that’s rolling down my face and decide I can’t be here. I turn my back on her this time and leave. 

I don’t know where I’m going, but I eventually find myself outside and heading towards the busses. I see Andy jogging around the building about to complete his daily routine and I push off the ground, running to him. He stops, looking confused and opens his arms to me. I slam into him and hear his breath rush out from the impact. 

"Hey," He says softly and I sigh, letting him wrap his arms around me tightly. He moves back, resting us again the wall of the hospital.

"I’m just so worried about her. Something happened, I can’t tell you, but for the first time ever she isn’t even telling me and it’s scaring me. J had to tell me," I say desperately and he pulls away a tiny bit to lay a hand on my cheek. 

"Whatever happened to her, she’s gonna deal with it her own way. You’re her best friend, but you just need to be there for her when she needs you, but right now she doesn’t need anyone. She needs to deal," He says and I nod. He leans in and kisses my forehead. I feel like this is a step forward for us. We weren’t really a thing. I mean, physically we were, but we never really called ourselves anything. We’re finally crossing the line into needing each other just for the sake of needing and I force myself to forget Brin for a moment. I think only of him.

**.Patrick.**

"She’s out," Pete tells me when I return from the store with some real food. 

"What?" I ask, turning to him. I just hopped on the bus. I wasn’t even gone more than 2 hours. 

"They let her out early. Told her she was doing better than they thought," He says, taking the cereal box from my hand. "I’ll put your stuff away. Go see her," He says and I nod, thanking him before hopping off the bus and heading to hers. She is outside when I see her. Actually heading to me and I smile at her pale face. 

"Hey," I say gently, kissing her head when we meet. 

"Hi," She says. "My bus is kind of packed. Can I ride with you and Andy?" She asks and I look over her shoulder to see J watching her. 

"That’s fine. What’s up with J?" I ask and she shrugs. 

"Doesn’t matter. Help me grab some things?" She asks and I nod. I follow her onto her bus and take her backpack from her when she tries to put it on her back. 

She hands me her blanket and I allow her to carry the pillow. 

"Thanks," She gives me a small smile and I follow her to the front. 

"That’s right, just keep avoiding everything!" J calls out to us and I stiffen. I watch her continue down the steps and off the bus and I refuse to say nothing. I turn to him.

"What’s your problem?" I ask him and he shakes his head from the couch. 

"You don’t want to know, man," He says and I glare. 

"Know what?" I ask and I feel her hand on my forearm. 

"Come on," She says and I shake my head. 

"Just go to your bus, Stump. Band mate problems. It’ll pass," He mumbles, looking at her over my shoulder and I shake my head, turning on him and following her out. 

"What is going on?" I ask her when we are unpacked on my own bus. 

"Nothing. He’s being a baby," She says and climbs into my bunk, scooting so there’s room for me. 

"Brin…" I sigh, climbing beside her and wrapping an arm around her. 

"I’m fine. He’s fine. I’m just exhausted," She says, pulling a book out of her bag and flicking the bunk light on. 

"Hey," I say before she can start it and she turns to me. She gives me a soft smile and presses her lips to mine. It’s been a while since we’ve been alone and I lean into her, careful not to hurt her ribs. 

I lift my hand into her hair pull her closer, needing to taste her, but almost too soon, she makes a noise I’ve never heard before and breaks away from me. 

"Did I hurt you?" I ask frantically and watch her scramble, shaking her head. 

"I can’t right now," She says, continuing to shake her head and it looks as if she’s about to have a panic attack. 

"Hey," I say, trying to comfort her. "Hey, it’s ok. You’re ok, just breath," I tell her and grip her hand tightly. She closes her eyes and nods. 

"Sorry, just feeling off," She says and puts the book away. "I’m gonna take a nap," She says and I nod, getting up, allowing her to stretch out on the mattress.

"I’ll be up front," I say and she nods, squeezing my hand before letting me go. 

I settle into the couch and bite my lip. What the hell was that?


	17. Found Out

**.Jonas.**

It’s been a week since she’s been out of the hospital and she is still not revealing anything. She barely talks to me because I told Taylor and I just wish she would get it out. She needs to get it out. 

I watch her from my spot at the table and she is reading a book on the couch. She looks so small. Why does she do this to herself?

"Brin," I start and she doesn’t look up. She’s ignoring me still. "Can we talk?" I ask her. We’ve been parked outside the venue for a while. Everyone is out seeing the city but she wanted to stay back. Pete dragged Patrick out and I stayed with her. I don’t want to leave her alone. I’m afraid to leave her alone. 

"We don’t have anything to talk about," She says coldly and I frown. 

"Yes we do," I say just as cold. "You’re going through something horrible and I’m sorry, but you need to talk about it. You need to acknowledge it-"

"You think I’m not acknowledging it?!" Her voice is raised and she stands, her book falling to the ground, forgotten. I stand as well, facing her. 

"You  _need_  to tell him,” I say so softly it’s almost a whisper. I walk towards her, cautiously so that I don’t intimidate her. “He deserves to know,” I finish. 

"He doesn’t deserve this hurt," She says brokenly and I realize why she’s doing this. She’s protecting him. 

"I know you want to keep him from feeling what you’re feeling," I start and she shakes her head, her face crumbling slowly and she raises her hands as to cover her ears. I reach for them and hold them away from her head gently. "But you need to get through this together-"

"NO. WE. DON’T!" She yells in my face and I shake my head. She is fighting this so hard. 

"BRIN!" I yell back at her. "You lost a baby, I know it’s tearing you up!" I say loudly and I bend down to her level and I hold her arms. "I am so sorry. I have absolutely no idea what you are going through but you cannot keep this in. I am so afraid for you. You are my best friend and I hate seeing you do this to yourself. You need to tell Patrick you were pregnant. You need to tell him that the accident made you miscarry and you need to grieve together!" I stress and she opens her mouth to yell back at me but a sound towards the door of the bus makes us turn. 

Patrick is standing there motionless, eyes wide. The bag in his hand slips from his fingers and bangs against the floor. He’s as white as a ghost and I watch him swallow multiple times, trying to get a handle on what he just heard.

I drop my hands, backing away. It is so silent I want to scream.

"What?" Patrick asks quietly and his eyes are locked on Brin. She looks for something to say and I shake my head. 

"I’ll be outside," I say softly, leaving them alone. 

What have I done.

**.Brindley.**

"P-Patrick," I begin, searching for words. He’s looking at me like he doesn’t know me. I lied to him after we promised to be honest and he just caught me in the biggest deception possible. 

"You were pregnant?" He whispers and I feel myself crumbling. My lips are quivering and the tears behind my eyes begin to flood in. 

"I didn’t know," I say, wrapping my arms around myself. "I didn’t know until it was too late and when they told me-" I break off mid word and bite my lip. Something has climbed into my throat and I am finding it hard to breath, much less talk. "I didn’t want you to feel what I’m feeling. I didn’t want you to have to go through this- this-" I look at the ground and search for a word. "Hell," I whisper. 

"You lied to me," He says quietly still and I make a small noise, trying to hold back my tears. He’s still standing so far away from me. "Why did you lie to me?" He asks desperately, voice raising. I cringe.

I kept it from him to protect him. I went behind his back and endured all of this by myself. I kept him in the dark to ensure he stayed happy. Because god knows that happiness is something I may never feel again. I lift my eyes to his and hold his gaze. 

I swallow, ready to rip my soul apart for him.

“ _I love you_ ,” I breath. 

He lowers his eyes, shakes his head. That’s all I have for him. That’s the only reason I have for keeping him in the dark. 

"I can’t do this," He says softly and turns his back on me. He leaves the bus without another word. 

I stand in silence for a moment. I try to get a grasp on what just happened. What I just did to myself. 

I feel the panic bubbling inside me. I feel it eating at me. I try to fight it so hard, but it’s impossible. 

Swallowing, I try to gain control of the hysteria that it flooding my conscience. I feel like I can’t breath and my knees hit the ground while I close in on myself. My breath is coming out in short bursts now and my eyes sting from the onslaught of tears that is blinding me. My mind is completely jumbled. I can’t hear anything. I can’t see anything. I can’t feel anything but the overwhelming pain that is gripping it’s tight hand around my throat.

A loud, excruciating sound assaults my ears and I realize my cries are ripping from my mouth in desperation. The noises are foreign to me, but for the first time since it’s happened, all the pain I have been feeling is being let out of the deepest part of my soul. My body is being wracked with endless sobs. I feel so empty, yet so full at the same time. I feel alone. I feel like a failure. I feel the need to be nonexistent. 

I couldn’t even keep our baby alive. I failed him. I failed our child. I failed myself.

I fall to the carpet of the bus, curling in on myself and resting my cheek on the floor. My fingers are clawing at my abdomen and I want to rip myself apart. I’ve lost everything.

I force myself to stand. My body is shaking and my tears make it hard for me to even see what I am doing, but I manage. I am making a horrible sound, trying to breath, trying to gain leverage on myself. I rush off the bus before J or Taylor or anyone can find me and I run. 

My face feels hot and my body is aching. My eyes beg for dryness but the flood won’t seize. 

I hear my name being called behind me but I keep on. I can’t face anyone. I can’t be here. I can’t do this anymore. 

I feel the world turn and my already blurred vision begins to darken. I feel nauseous. I feel nothing. 

My body collapses to the cement and almost immediately I feel arms encircling me. I make out the vague shape of J and shake my head. 

"No," I mumble through my tears and push at his chest. 

"Brin," He sounds tortured and he lifts me into the air against his chest. "Let me help you," He says brokenly and I let out another wail. I clutch him and cry into his shoulder as he walks me back to the busses and I grip his shirt with my fingers.

The next thing I know he is setting us down on the couch of the bus and he is holding me close. My best friend. We’ve been through everything together and even when I am furious with him and he with me, he is supporting me.

He lets me cry until all I have is dry sobs. My face aches. My throat and eyes sting and I feel dehydrated. My head is pounding with migraine and I want to crawl in a hole. 

I want Patrick. 

"What have I done," I whisper and he rocks me. 

"You were trying to protect him from what you were feeling," He tells me and I shake my head. He hates me now. He has to. I kept the most important thing from him and now he has walked out on me.

**.Patrick.**

"You ok, man?" The bartender asks me and I frown into my whiskey.

No. I’m not ok. I don’t think I’ll ever be ok. 

I nod to the guy and pass him a tip before getting off my stool, leaving my drink. I burry my hands in my hoodie and walk outside, heading no where. 

The air is cool, but I welcome it. Anything to cool the stinging around my eyes. I feel like a weight is being pushed into my chest and I can barely breath.

She was pregnant. 

My mind can’t form coherent thoughts and I just feel lost. I was going to be a father. 

I feel anger. I feel sadness. Utterly soul wrenching sadness that is gripping my heart with a vast strength.

She kept it from me. She promised to be honest. She fucking promised. 

I lift  a hand to my face to wipe away the stray tears that are escaping onto my cheeks. 

I am so furious with her, but I still fucking love her. 

I stop on the sidewalk and lean against a building. I didn’t drink a lot, but I feel fuzzy. A mixture of the whiskey and my emotions, I’m sure. 

I rub a hand over my face and breath in the cool air, trying to reel back in my tears. They keep leaking over and I want to hide away from the world. I don’t want to start crying in the middle of a street in the middle of a city I don’t know the name of. 

I bite my lip. Should I go to her? Should I forgive her for what she’s done? She can’t be honest with me. Ever. She lied to me about something so important. Why couldn’t she lean on me? Why didn’t she feel like we should have braved this one together? Why, why why? It’s all I keep asking myself. 

I need answers. I need her to tell me why she can’t trust me. 

However, as I look into the blinding light of a streetlamp that is towering in front of me, I remember her face as I turned on her. How broken she was before she even knew I was there, hearing everything. 

She needs me, disregarding how pissed I am. We need each other. 

I turn back the way I came and start walking. 


	18. Together We're In Love

**.Brindley.**

"Brin?" I hear Taylor’s voice from the front of the bus and I lift my tearful gaze to her. I wipe at my face, wheezing a bit, trying to catch a breath and I feel J rub his hand over my back to calm me. 

"I’m sorry," I say, panicked. She shakes her head and walks to me, sitting on my free side. She puts an arm around me and I lay my head on her shoulder. 

"What happened?" She asks and I bite my lip. I really don’t think I can speak.

As if J can hear my thoughts, he relays the events to her. Her hold on me tightens and eventually she puts both arms around me and a new round of tears erupts. 

"I know I deserve it, but he just walked out! I couldn’t do anything!" I say desperately. She just holds me. She doesn’t say anything and I think it’s mainly because she doesn’t want to make it worse. 

"Do you want anything to eat?" I hear J break the silence and I shake my head. 

"Should I call him?" I ask. I feel lost. 

"I think you should let him cool off first. He doesn’t get mad easy, Brin," Taylor tells me softly and I nod. I pull away from her, covering my face, not wanting to be touched anymore. I pull into myself now. I just feel guilty and undeserving of anything. 

I watch Taylor get up to fix me some tea and J hands me a blanket that was sitting on the back of the couch. I wrap myself in it and turn my back against the side of the couch to look out the window, now wanting to speak.

I lied to him. I didn’t tell him what the accident did to me. I didn’t want him to blame anyone. I know he probably did a little anyway, but the fact that this stupid fucking accident was the reason my world came crashing down infuriates me. 

I could have said no. I knew in my gut that it was a bad idea. I’d never done anything like that in my life. I’ve leaned into the crowd, I’ve touched hands, I’ve had a body guard hold me over the hands, but I’ve never given myself over to the masses. I’ve never put myself in their hands and allowed them to move me. 

The fan in LA should have been a warning to me. I should have known there would be those types of people out there. 

It’s my fault. If he is going to blame anyone, it should be me. And that’s why I didn’t tell him. That’s why I didn’t bring it up. 

But looking at it, knowing I kept the fact that he was going to be a father from him and I hate myself for it. 

I close my eyes, imagining a small little boy with sandy hair and big blue eyes. He’d have Patrick’s smile and expressions. The way his right eye crinkles when he smiles too big. The way he laughs with his whole body. 

The little boy would be small in frame, but energetic. He’d be smart and musical and like weird things. He’d love the world. He’d be curious and adventurous and drive me insane. Patrick would play with him just to get a chance to make him giggle and talk. He would hold him until he fell asleep on his chest and wouldn’t want to take him to his bad in fear of disturbing him. He’d be so gentle and caring and would spoil the shit out of him. 

I smile a little, imagining it, but just as fast I let the tears flow even more. The reality of the fact that he would have been an amazing dad punches me in the gut and I ripped it from him. I ripped it from us.

"Brin?" J asks and I shake my head, leaning my forehead against the window of the bus and curl into myself. I watch the sidewalk, willing him to return to me.

**.Patrick.**

I walk back to the venue with my phone off. I want to be alone while I can. Pete attempted to call me a few times before I shut it off. 

There is no moon tonight and it’s dark. The only thing lighting my way back is the occasional street lamp and cars passing me with their headlights. 

I want to be alone. I hate that feeling. It’s been long time since I’ve felt this loneliness. This utter loss of hope. I know she didn’t do it deliberately to hurt me. I know she’s hurting more. I know she’s been through so much, but I can’t shake the feeling that she kept me in the dark. 

I think about how it could have been if she hadn’t had the accident. If she would have eventually found out she was pregnant. How long would it have been before she told me? Would she be ok with it? Would she want to tell me? Would she want to share her entire life with me?

I imagine her belly growing big. Her mood swings, he cravings and complaining and I would have loved every part of it and I smile. I would have loved her more with each passing day. 

My thoughts move to the baby. How terrifying it would be to hold him and her. To be responsible for a life. 

"Stop," I tell myself out loud and shake my head. I can’t let myself think about what could have beens. There’s no point. 

I see the busses parked outside the venue as I approach. The lights are still on in her’s and I swallow my fear and anger, walking straight to it. 

I knock on the door softly and Taylor answers cautiously. She looks at me with wide eyes, surprised that I am here. 

"Can I see her?" I ask slowly. She doesn’t say a word. Her mouth clamps shut and she searches for an answer. 

"She’s asleep," She says. "She’s been a mess all night, we finally got her to go to bed and you’re going to rip the stitches open again?" She asks and I wince. "Listen, Patrick, I don’t blame you for being angry. I understand why you walked out, but on top of you leaving, she’s dealing with the miscarriage, too. I love you both. I do. But please, I am begging you to leave it be. I can’t handle seeing my best friend on the edge like this," She finishes and I cast my eyes down to my feet. 

"I’m not here to make it worse," I say and she stays silent. After a moment, she sighs, stepping to the side to allow me in. 

I step up, passing her by cautiously. It’s warm compared to the chill of fall outside and I shrug out of my hoodie, hanging it on the hook. When I enter the common area of the bus, I spot J on the couch. When he sees me, he rushes to his feet, looking flustered.

"Hi," I say and he watches me enter the room. 

"Patrick, I-" He cuts off, looking confused and upset. "I’m sorry," He says and I furrow my eyebrows. 

"Why…?" I ask.

"She should have been the one to say something. I feel like an ass. I have never regretted anything in my whole li-"

"Stop," I say, holding a hand up. "You shouldn’t have had to be telling her to tell me in the first place. She shouldn’t have kept it from me," I say. "She in her bunk?" I ask.

"Look, she’s been really upset all night, I don’t think she’s ready to have this talk," He says cautiously. 

"It’ll be fine," I say, turning my back on him and heading to the bunks. 

"Patrick-" He starts.

"It’s fine," I hear Taylor say and I swallow my anxiety when I slide the door open. 

The lights are low, but I see her bunk light is switched on to the lowest brightness. Her nightlight. Her safety. I slowly walk towards it and move aside the curtain. She’s asleep, tears staining her cheeks. She looks restless, even unconscious. 

She is facing me, clutching a pillow to her chest in the fetal position. I sigh, toeing off my shoes and setting my glasses on the shelf above her head. I enter the bunk by her feet, crawling up beside her and I lift the blanket, pressing myself to her back. I weed my arm under hers and wrap it around her middle, pulling her into my front. I bury my face in her neck and allow myself to cry. I let the tears poor over and I feel her stir. She turns in my arms and opens her eyes to mine. We don’t say anything. She reaches a hand up to my face as her face crumbles into another round of tears to match my own. 

"I’m so sorry-" She starts, but I shake my head. 

"Don’t talk," I say.

"Ok," She says after a moment. She frowns and I watch her features crumble. I bury my face in her shoulder and allow her to hold me. I lean into her and she clutches me tightly. We shake together in our mourning.

"I love you," I say brokenly to her. After everything she has done; everything she has kept from me, I still love this woman. She is my family. She is my life. 

"I love you," She cries as quietly as she can and we just lay there in our tears and need.

Together, we’re in loss. We’re in love. 


	19. Forever

When I wake up, I feel groggy. My head feels heavy and my eyes sting from the crying. I know where I am and who I’m with and I’m almost scared to open my eyes. To break his hold on me. To end this moment. 

But I do it anyway. I slide my eyelids open just a bit to glimpse his own. He’s asleep, content beside me. Completely lost to the world and I just watch him for a moment. He’s a heavy sleeper and not even the loudest of noises can wake him sometimes. 

I lean in and press my lips to his forehead, happy to have him here with me. Glad he came back to me when I didn’t deserve it. 

Taking advantage of his unconscious, I reach over my head to the shelf in my bunk and grab my phone. I try not to move much, not wanting to disturb this perfect moment. 

I smile, bringing up my camera on the phone and snap a few of him. I press my lips to his forehead and snap another before closing my eyes and cuddling my head under his chin like I had been before. I snap the final picture and drop the phone behind him, wrapping my arms around him completely and squeezing him tightly. 

"Mmm," He mumbles and I bury my face into his chest and squeeze tighter.  "Brin?" He wonders and I shake my head, pushing closer into him. He tightens his arms around me and kisses the top of my head. "You ok?" He asks and I say nothing. I just want to be with him.

"Thank you," I say into his chest. 

"What?" He asks and I pull back enough to see his face. "Thank you for coming back to me," I whisper and he frowns, hugging me back. 

"We still need to talk," He says and I nod. 

"I know," I agree, playing with a piece of strong on his shirt. 

"Soundcheck isn’t until 3:30pm. I think we should go downtown, get some lunch?" He suggests and I check the time on my phone. 10:30am.

"Yeah," I nod and he gives me a soft smile and kisses my forehead. "Do they have a shower in this venue? I really need one," I chuckle, sitting up as much as physically possible. He stretches a bit. 

"What city we in?" He asks. I think a moment. 

"I think we might be in Wisconsin," I say and he rubs his eyes.

"If we’re at the venue I’m thinking we’re at, pretty sure they have a bathroom with some showers," He tells me and I nod, swinging my legs out of the bunk.

"I’ll see you in an hour?" I ask, smiling at him softly over my shoulder. 

"We have a lot to talk about," He says seriously. I lay my hand on his abdomen and nod. 

"I know. It’s past due time for this," I say and he takes my hand and brings it to his lips. 

"Say it," He says and I quirk an eyebrow. 

"Say what?" I ask. 

"Say you love me," He whispers and I bite my lip, looking down and trying to hide my smile. 

"Why," I laugh. 

"Because I need to hear it," He says sadly and my teasing expression drops into something more serious. I lean down towards him and rest my lips against his. 

"I love you," I tell him gently. "It doesn’t make up for what I’ve done, but it’s still true," I finish and he shakes his head.

"Later," He responds and I nod, getting up out of the bunk with a funny feeling in my stomach. Nerves. 

The bus is completely empty as I walk through the living area with my clothes and shower bag. When I step off, Taylor and J are playing a card game on the cement. 

"Why are you outside?" I ask confused, shielding my eyes from the sun. 

"It’s nice out," J shrugs. 

"And we didn’t wanna be in there if you guys decided to make up on a sexual level," Taylor adds without looking at me and I roll my eyes. 

"Shut up," I laugh and walked passed them towards the venue. 

I see a few fans sitting out in line on my way in and I stop to sign a few things, even though I look like shit. 

They’re all nice. All decked out in We Are Human shirts and I compliment them. After a few photos, I run inside because my hour is now a half hour. 

The shower is quick and quiet. Most everyone is still asleep so they let me in alone. 

Once I wash my hair and most of my body, I stand in the heated spray for a few minutes. I let it run over me and try to calm my tensed muscles. 

I run my hands over my hair and let them lower to my abdomen. My hands are clutched at my belly and I frown. 

I try to keep telling myself that it wasn’t my fault. It was an accident. It happens all the time. But it still hurts. 

I wasn’t ready to be a mom, really. Neither was Patrick to be a father. I’m only 23. He’s 29, but Fall Out Boy is flying and he would never be home. It would kill him. 

Perhaps one day. Just now, it wasn’t meant to be. 

I shut the water off and let a few tears fall. I feel the chill of the air hit my skin and I frown, leaning my back against the tile and sliding down the floor and cradling my head in my hands. 

I don’t cry like before. I just sit there, finding it hard to breath in the steam and my emotions. 

I feel like I let him down. I let me down. I feel so confused. I feel fear. I don’t want to lose him. He wants to talk and I know we have to. I can’t keep hiding. 

I almost lost him and it was the most terrifying moment of my life to see him retreat from me and not knowing if he was going to return to me. The look in his eyes when he found out. The tenseness in his muscles and the way his stood. It was horrifying. 

"Brin?" I hear from outside the shower and I wipe a stray tear and grab my towel from the hook. 

Once it is wrapped around me tightly, I step out and see Taylor. She’s leaning against the wall by the sinks and I smile at her.

"Hey," I greet her and grab my bag of clothes.

"Patrick is ready whenever you are," She says and nod, stepping into one of the stalls and quickly pull on my black jeans and oversized sweater. 

When I reemerge, she is sitting on the counter and I start on my make up. 

"So you guys good now?" She asks softly. I pause a moment with my eyeliner and shrug. 

"We’re getting there," I say. 

"Are you ok?" She continues and I smile gently at her. 

"I’ll be fine," I answer and she gives me a look. "Seriously, this time," I chuckle and she hops off the counter, grabbing my brush and starts brushing my long hair. 

"You scared me," She says. "I’ve never seen you cry so hard," She adds and I shrug. 

"It was scary," I sigh and put on some chap stick.

I let her blow dry my hair for me and I decline her offer to style it at all. She’s my hair and make up artist, but not now. Now she’s just my best friend. 

"Thank you," I tell her and she hugs me. 

"I love you, Brin," She whispers and I say it back to her. She squeezes me in her arms and I laugh. 

"Gotta go," I remind her and she nods, pulling back. 

"Ok, I’ll see you in a bit," She says, waving me off.

I find Patrick on his bus. He’s wearing his typical black jeans with a gray shirt and blank cardigan. No hat today. 

"Ready?" I ask and he looks up at me with a small smile. 

"Yeah," He says, getting up. 

Outside, he takes my hand. Our fingers lace up and I lean into his side. 

"Where are we going?" I ask, squinting my eyes at the sun. 

"I saw a diner while I was walking around last night. Figure we can eat there," He says and I frown. 

He saw it when he was walking around, thinking about what I did.

"Ok," I say and he squeezes my hand to assure me that he’s fine.

"I’m sorry for walking out like I did. I just kind of freaked out," He says and I look at him like he is insane. 

"Don’t apologize," I tell him. "Seriously, I don’t deserve you at all at this point. Even before the accident, I had such a hard time with the truth. I’m a mess, Patrick. Don’t ever apologize to me for reacting," I finish and we have stopped walking. 

The sidewalks are somewhat empty and I rub my forehead, leaning against a building with him facing me. 

"I thought I lost you," He says and I look up into his eyes in question. "We never really talked about the accident much. When I saw you disappear under everyone. I never felt that type of fear before. It was like I lost control of my body and all I could think about was getting to you. I almost dove in after you but Pete tackled me to the ground. I saw red. I was lost," His voice is shaky and I bite my lip. 

"I shouldn’t have agreed to do it. I had a bad feeling," I add. 

"Pete used to do it all the time. I didn’t think anything of it. But you were so small compared to everyone and you disappeared so fast," He cuts himself off and I step forward into him and hug him. 

"I’m fine," I assure him and he pulls away slightly and shakes his head, his eyes wild. 

"You say that. You said that when you first woke up but Brin, you weren’t fine," He laughs pathetically. "You miscarried," The last word catches in his throat and I close my eyes. I guess we’re doing this now.

"Patrick," I start but he shakes his head and takes my face in his hands. 

"Babe," He calls me. I open my eyes and look at him sadly. "We were going to be parents," He says and I swallow against my tears.

"I know," I say, taking his hands in mine and removing them from my cheeks. "But I lost it. There’s no point in thinking what could have beens," I tell him and he shakes his head. 

"Would you have wanted that?" He asks and I look at him almost in shock. "I mean, do you want to share that much of yourself, your life, with me?" He asks and I furrow my eyebrows.

"Well I wouldn’t have gotten an abortion," I say. 

"That’s not what I mean," He says. "I mean, if the timing was right. If we decided that we wanted this to be… forever. Would you want to share that much of yourself with me?" He asks. 

"I already want this forever," I whisper and his eyes grow so warm I almost melt. 

I watch a small smile spread across his face and I roll my eyes. 

"I’m hungry," I say, moving past him, taking his hand and dragging him behind me. 

"Ok," He chuckles and I purse my lips. He points the diner out to me and I drag him in. 

Once seated, the waitress takes our order and I glare at his goofy grin from across the table.

"Stop it, you look like you’re on something," I say and he laughs.

"You said forever," He sings under his breath. 

"I am not marrying you," I point at him.

"Not yet," He raises his eyebrows, taking a sip of his barely steeped tea. 

"Oh my god," I sigh, taking a sip of my own drink. He keeps smiling at me and I can’t help but crack one back at him. "You’re too cute, stop it," I laugh.

"You’re cuter," He says. 

"Shut up," I say.

I sit back in my booth, smiling into my cup and watch him eat his toast. My nerves are settling. He is better now that we have talked a little. Our relationship feels a lot more stable. 

"Stop," He says looking at me. 

"What?" I ask, raising an eyebrow. 

"Thinking about me. You’re extra pretty when you do that and I can’t kiss you in public," He nods and I roll my eyes. 

"Oh yeah, ok," I laugh and he winks at me. 

Yeah. We’re better. 


	20. The Start Of Our Beginning (Final)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the final chapter to this portion of the story. There is a sequel I will be posting. It's called Just One Yesterday, so keep an eye out!

"Last show of the tour," J tells me while I am writing a journal update for our site and I smile softly. 

"Yeah," I say and he takes a seat across from me at the table. 

"All in all, you glad we did this?" He asks and I stop typing a moment, staring at my hands. 

It’s been rough. It’s been stressful. It’s been crazy. I had a tragic loss. But…

"I wouldn’t trade it for anything," I reply to him finally. "Minus the… Yeah," I give him a sad smile. We entered this insane ride together as bandmates and best friends. We grew as people with the experience and now have a solid career in something we ultimately wanted. 

And I found something even more important. 

I’ve been sleeping on his bus since it’s less crowded but I spend my days on my own with J and everyone. Although, now that the tour is coming to an end, I have a small tinge of worry at the back of my mind that I have been trying to ignore. We are finally together and nothing is lodged between us. But with the tour coming to an end, we’ll be jumping from being together almost 24/7 to… not. 

I’m trying to ignore it because we finally found a happy place. The miscarriage… It happened. There was nothing he nor I could do. There’s no use dwelling on it. It was sad. It was heartbreaking. I will always hurt from it, but we moved on. We had to move on.

I left him sleeping in his bunk. He stays up all night long and sleeps all day usually. He can’t seem to rest his mind at night. I’m a night person but not as much as him. I end up passing out on him by 2 or 3 am. 

He’s such a grouch in the morning it’s hilarious sometimes. It takes a lot to wake him up and when you do, he’s almost mean. Almost. Because really, Patrick is pretty incapable of being mean. 

I check the time and wonder if he’s up yet, getting ready for the night. It is a big night, to say the least. Big after party. Almost on queue, I hear the door of the bus open and foot steps running into the bus. 

"Thanks for waking me up!" I hear from behind me towards the front of the bus and I laugh quietly. J rolls his eyes. 

"You were up all night!" I tell him, continuing the journal. I hear him approach me from behind and I feel his hands on my shoulders. 

"I told you to wake me up," He whispers by my ear now and I shrug.

"You looked peaceful," I smile and he slides into the booth beside me and kisses my temple, his attempt at a beard, stinging my skin pleasantly. J rolls his eyes. 

"I think I’m gonna puke," He says and gets up. 

"We’re not even doing anything!" I laugh and he makes a face at me. 

"I’m gonna go see if Joe wants to start the celebratory drinks early," He says and walks off the bus with a wink. 

I shake my head, letting Patrick lean into my side, burying his face into my neck. I feel his breath on my neck and smile, leaning my cheek into his head just slightly. 

"What are you doing?" He asks and I try to hide my smile. 

"Posting a journal for the first time in a while,"  I say and he looks. "And no I’m not taking the picture down," I chuckle. Even more intrigued, he takes my laptop from me, scrolling through the editing box.

I watch him rest his eyes on the picture I took of him while he slept beside me in my cramped bunk. His restful expression, content and beautiful. Underneath the photo I have the words: 

_Thank you for the wonderful experience of having me on this tour. I met so many wonderful people. I saw so many new cities and met so many great fans. But thank you especially for bringing me to him._

"Wow," He says softly after reading. He doesn’t say anything else, just rereads the words over and over again. 

"I love you," I whisper to him and he breaks his eyes away from screen to focus on me. I watch him swallow his emotions before leaning into me again and resting his lips on my own. It’s a slow, sweet kiss. I smile into it and lift my arms to hold him close. When he pulls away, he buries his face in my hair. I inhale him, hugging him tightly and I rest my head on his shoulder. My eyes are closed and I could stay here forever. 

I run my fingers through his hair and occasionally scrape my nails over his scalp. We stay like this for a bit. My arms encircling him and him completely enveloping me. I feel warm. I feel safe. I feel loved. 

"I’m sorry for keeping you in the dark," I say and he stirs, but I tighten my arms around him and he rests against me again. "I know I’ve said it over and over, but I need you to know how sorry I am. I need you to know that I’m fucked up, but I’m trying and I’ll keep trying for us," I tell him earnestly and he pulls away enough to look at me. 

"It’s going to be tough. We won’t get privacy. Ever," He says and narrows his eyes.

"I know," I say and lean in to kiss the corner of his beautiful mouth. 

"You’re going to be ok with that?" He asks, amused. 

"You’re my life," I say, smiling a little. "I’ll take you anyway I can get you," I chuckle and he rolls his eyes. I lift my hand to rest on his cheek and he leans into it. I breath him in and close my eyes, leaning my forehead to his. 

"God, I love you," He whispers and I nuzzle my nose into his neck. We stay like this for a moment. Content in one another’s presence. I never want this moment to end. 

"Hey Brin, Joe is on his fifth- UGH SERIOUSLY," Pete exclaims loudly and I roll my eyes, pulling away but Patrick’s hand snakes around my neck and I barely have time to ask anything before his lips are on my own. I freeze for a moment, mainly from shock but also because Pete is here, but I relax a bit, resting my hand on his chest. 

"Hey," I laugh pulling away. 

"Patrick!" Pete yells, running at us and ultimately jumping on Patrick, crushing him under his weight. 

"Dude!" He grunts and I roll my eyes, looking out the window since the two men beside me are shoving into me and I’m trapped. 

"Pete," I groan. "Let me out at least," I complain, pushing against their wrestling forms. They roll out of the booth and Pete is sitting on Patrick. 

"Brin!" Patrick breaths and I grab my laptop and get up, moving to the counter. I post the journal with the picture and take a breath. No going back. 

"I’m going to find Taylor," I laugh and leave them. 

I head into the venue, feeling my phone vibrate with twitter notifications and texts and I smile slightly. 

"Finally!!" I hear her voice from the dressing room as I near it. 

"Yeah?" I ask, walking in and she turns to me and bright smile, holding her phone in one hand. 

"Bout time!" She points and Andy, who is sitting beside her, takes her phone to look. 

"Brin, do a shot with me," Joe says from the corner of the room, pouring me one and coming at me. 

"I don’t know," I laugh. He shoves it in my grasp and pours himself one. 

"Joe, they outted themselves!" Taylor smiles and Joe winks at me. We take out shots and I wince, feeling the burn of the liquor run down my throat. I immediately regret no chaser. 

"Dear god, Trohman, what is this, rubbing alcohol?" I cough and he smiles, shoving his beer in my hands as a chaser. 

"She’s gonna puke," Taylor rolls her eyes and he shoves another filled shot glass in my hands. 

"She still has to sing tonight, Joe!" Andy exclaims as I down my second shot of ‘I don’t even want to know’ and chase it with his beer. 

"I’m good," I point. 

"You’re 5 foot, and don’t weigh much," Taylor counters and I scoff at her. 

"I’m good," I repeat and smile at a laughing Trohman. 

"Ain’t no party like a Trohman party!" He explains. 

"Cause at this one, he ain’t dead!" I exclaim, referring to their latest music video where Patrick killed him. 

"Truth," He points at me and I smile, proud of myself. 

"Did you just make a Young Blood Chronicles reference," Patrick asks, walking into the room and raising an eyebrow at the shot glass and beer bottle in my hands. "You really are having a Trohman party."

"Hey," I smile, opening my arms and he laughs, walking into them and I kiss his nose, handing off the glass and bottle to Pete over his shoulders. 

I pull back, smiling, feeling a little buzzed and I run my nails through his scruff. 

"I love the beard, have a mentioned that yet?" I ask and he rolls his eyes. 

"Only everyday," he tells me and I shrug. 

"I do," I say and he smiles softly at me. 

"You two are disgusting," Pete gags, walking around us. 

"Brin, you smoke?" Joe asks, reaching into his pockets and I feel Patrick’s arms tighten around me. 

"Too much party, Joe," He laughs and I smile.

"Have a drink with me," I suggest, lacing my fingers behind his neck and he smiles, shaking his head. 

"After the show. You are cut off until after as well," He says and I sigh, nodding. 

"Come on, I’ll do your make up," Taylor pipes up, grabbing my wrist and dragging me away from him. 

~*~

The night goes by fast. It’s like any other night that we’ve had on this tour, but with a more final feeling. 

The internet is alive and I feel a little nervous going onstage, but it goes fine. Fall Out Boy follows on schedule and soon, the lights go out and the club clears. 

It’s over. I stand outside by the busses and breath in the cool night’s air.  I left the party about 10 minutes ago, Patrick was on his third glass of whiskey. 

I can still hear them laughing and shouting inside and I cross my arms, shaking my head a little to try and clear it. I’m a little light headed from the drinking. I can see my breath in the air and I lean my back on the metal siding of the bus. 

This is it. This was the world we knew. The world we fell in love in. And tomorrow, we’ll be apart. Tomorrow I will not be waking up in his cramped bunk beside him. Tomorrow I will wake up cold. 

"Hey," I hear his low voice from the exit of the building and I look up at him. The lights glow behind him as he walks towards me and he is only silhouette for a moment. 

"Hi," I smile softly as he nears me. I feel his hands encircle my waist and I lean into him, letting my head rest against his chest.

"What’s wrong?" He asks and I shake my head. 

"Just a little drunk," I chuckle and he hugs me tighter. 

"No you’re not. What’s wrong?" He repeats and I sigh. I’m buzzed and emotional. I don’t want to dump this on him our last night on tour. "Tell me," He whispers, cupping my cheek.

I lift my face to his, meeting his eyes and reach my hands up to tangle in his hair. My lips press against his and I can taste the liquor on his tongue. 

"Brin," He murmurs, pulling away from me just slightly.

"I’m scared," I gasp finally, closing my eyes. 

"Of what?" He asks.

"We’ve been together constantly, everyday and night for the last three months and starting tomorrow, I won’t wake up next to you and I’m scared," I say in one breath.

He doesn’t respond for a moment. I’m not looking at him which is making my anxiety worse.

I wait another moment more before jumping at the bursting sound of his laughter. I look up at him sharply and he’s laughing so hard that his head is thrown back. 

"What?" I gasp, offended. 

"You worry too much," He smiles and my eyebrows lower and my mouth opens to argue but he grabs both my cheeks and kisses me loudly. "I’m not going anywhere. We have a break from tour for a while. Where do you think I’d go?" He asks. 

"Patrick-" I start, but he interrupts me again. 

"When we have to do the long distance thing, we’ll deal with it. I love you. You love me. We’re fine, Brin," He whispers with a grin and I sigh. 

"It’s just- We’re finally happy," I say, running a hand through my hair and he takes it, bringing it to his lips. 

"And nothing is changing that. Just let this be. Don’t stress about it," He cocks his head to the side and I nod, looking at the ground. 

"Can we lock ourselves up in your house and have a Game of Thrones marathon and eat shitty food and never leave the bed?" I ask teasingly and he brings me in close. 

"Oh believe me. Once I get you in a real bed, we’re not leaving for a while. Those bunks weren’t made for two," He says, letting his lips run along my jawline. 

"Yeah," I chuckle. "Sorry," I apologize for my mood. "It’s just that tonight felt so final and it was freaking me out," I shrug. 

"Oh babe," He says, taking my hands. "We’re only just beginning."


End file.
